Telling Your Children They Were Accidents

not sure if its appropriate at all.

what good does it do and for who?

i know of a particular instance where mommy stopped taking the pill and sabotaged daddy.

should this be revealed to junior?

Before they start learning about sex in school? 

Three months old, then never mention it again.

If it's a girl, hold that ammo until somewhere between 14 and 17.

She'll already be hating you. :) 

Better than telling them that they were a mistake.

Um, never, unless the parent is completely devoid of any love for their offspring.

I tell em every day. 

jk

My mom told me again last week.

Nothing wrong with telling a child that they were a joyful Surprise. 

Probably about the time they petition for emancipation.

The same day they total the car...and say "its an accident, dad"...say, no, youre an accident asshole, this is serious, its a car we re talking about."

Or never...

Im always torn on that one....

Asking for a friend?

>> Better than telling them that they were a mistake. <<

Yeah, my dad let that one slip.  Never sat well with me.

Nancy beat me to it. Surprise is such a better word than mistake. 

Mistake = Miracle

way to warp your kids mark..... jesus...

i mean.... look at 11 12 13......  rite? am i rite?  :)

I was born a practical joke, probably because of a practical joke. Not sure where I heard that, but I like it.

Nice way to devalue a life.  Cruel mental joke if you ask me .....

Surprise, I have two idiots for parents!

St. Mark, how old were you when your parents said this to you?

There should be studies looking at those of us who were accidents and those of us who were planned, see if there's any differences.

Hard to imagine there are but who knows.

My mom was in Paris with my dad and she forgot her birth control.  That's why my twin sister and I are here.  I remember my mom telling me that matter of factly when I was probably in 4th grade or something, hard to really remember how old I was.   Kind of whish she hadn't.  I probably shouldn't have told my twin sister years later--I thought she knew. 

Unintentional sounds much better to me.

At least you weren't aborted if an accident. Too many souls are aborted because of casual encounters. I'm not down with this. Knew some girl who had 4 abortions. Didn't judge her, but surely don't agree with it!

Youngest of five - closest sibling is eight years older, and oldest is 18 years older. I can't remember not knowing I was accident. It was just part of the family story. Never bothered me, but then again my parents were Catholics so in reality they were all accidents

Never bothered me either but if I could have chosen, I'd choose to have been planned, like our older sister.

>Nice way to devalue a life.  Cruel mental joke if you ask me .....
Nah. I think Alfred Hitchcock said it to Johnny Carson. Just a quip I thought was funny.
Nothing cruel intended.

Maybe being a love child myself, I don't take these things that seriously.

" but then again my parents were Catholics so in reality they were all accidents"

lol !!!



I would not say anything, nor would I want to know if I were an "accident"....maybe a Blessing in disguise is another way I have heard this referenced. :) My youngest sister was def a surprise as my mom was 41 and we were all shocked. She is a big mess too...never really getting the discipline or attention she should have ! 


It is funny tho as I am the oldest and there are a ton of baby pics of me...as we go to the youngest they become more sparse ( my brother swears he was adopted as there are no baby pics of him anywhere ;) ) . 

Unplanned does not necessarily mean unwanted.

What Nancy and BrianK said. 

what joe said.

>>Too many souls are aborted

Your belief that a fetus is a soul is just that, a belief. It's also a belief that living humans have souls.

if someone wants to have 0, 1, 4 or 40 abortions, that's their choice and I am 100% down with it.

I actually think more fetuses should be aborted.  That way God can have more souls with him up in heaven. 

God wouldn't have invented abortion if he didn't want humans to use it - liberally.

You ever been involved in an abortion Brian? If not probably not your place to wax philosophically on the topic. 

BrianK, your really full of it. Would you feel the same if your Mother, Dad, Sister,Grandma etc... were aborted. Your bullshit comments would never be seen if you were.

Thank you and have a nice day dumbshit!

I'll start the popcorn

No popcorn needed.

My point is finished!

Carry on if need be!

Okay, JR, you wax philosophical.

Joe, to be clear, I believe it's a woman's choice. If their choice is to have none or 100, I have no issues with it.

I love the pseudo moral argument to it: it kills a soul, but it's the woman's choice. "One, maybe two, are fine, but not more than that. Even if it doesn't kill a soul, there's something wrong with someone who uses it a birth control."

Silly pseudo religious morality.

And Joe, that was a dumbass question you asked. I wouldn't be here to care.

Sorry to burst your fairy tale bubble, but the "soul" is imaginary.

thumbs up guy is in this thread posting a superfluous thumbs up.

Hence, this is now a troll thread.

IMO if you don't have a uterus you should STFU about abortion.

Unless mom slipped and happened to fall on dad in a very awkward position, can it really be called an "accident" even if it wasn't the intended consequence?   No need to say anybody's birth was an "accident" if the act giving rise to conception was consensual and the mom chose to keep the child.

Blue eyed soul is real. 

That sperm donor guy in New York said his last child was an accident. 

Dodging away from the direction this thread is heading to speak on the OP, I'm not a parent but I've been meddling with other people's kids from 3 - 18 for 37 years, and IMO I don't really think it should matter that much for a kid to hear whether they were planned or not planned.

The exact age of when it shouldn't make a big difference is hard to pin-point, old enough to understand what sex is and how & why all of that happens for sure. Otherwise it's really about being honest with your kids, which should be happening as often as possible.

In most cases it's probably more traumatic to learn that Santa isn't real and it's the parents who eat the cookies.

Pics or stfu

IMO, Mike, it's okay to share opinions. It's not like we're passing legislation.

When I was a child, my sister told me I was an accident.  We confronted my mother and she responded that it was my sister who was the accident.  She explained it very lovingly though. She mentioned how she was under the impression she was infertile after a first child in a first marriage, so birth control was unnecessary, when she married my dad.  Surprise! She was overjoyed and my sister's middle name is Bliss. Too bad she never took to the Rainbow Family...My niece from same sister has a middle name of Joy.

Keeping the love going. Pass the love around folks!

I hear you Brian. I guess I was referencing the dudes who need to go off about how "wrong" abortions are. Cool. Don't believe in abortion? Stop fucking, adopt a couple dozen crack babies, then STFU. Sorry I wasn't more clear about that. 

>>>>>>Too many souls are aborted

You only need to skip ahead to 0:20 for the punch line:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w6WfiFZvgfI

>>>>>>> but the "soul" is imaginary.

One of my top 10 fav Simpsons ever:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yt1Bf28sYvY&list=PLPvEmuyh4lzKdxCr_0_la4...

I understand that's it's the woman that must carry the baby for 9 months, but what if the Dad want's it? Hard question no? No easy answers, but I do believe BrianK that we have a soul and killing a fetus is an easy way out of dealing with the outcome of your promiscuity. I understand if you were raped or molested to not want to go full birth, but other than that I see it as an easy way out. And I do believe the fetus has a soul. Tell a mother that she never felt it kicking in her stomach. And many women have serious guilt in their later years of having aborted their child. Never knowing what could have been.

That's the thing, Joe, it's your belief and it's based solely on faith.

In countries where there isn't a societal stigma to abortion, it really isn't that big a deal for the woman. It's so stigmatized here it's stupid, and that stigma is based almost so,sly on religious belief.

Two of my three were unplanned. They know it. The running joke amongst them was that the only planned one was the biggest pain in the ass. Their joke, not ours.

they are all equally unloved.

When they are smart enough to figure it out mathematically based on your anniversary and the oldest childs age. After the first that can be proved by math I wouldn't cop to nothing.

Mark, did you start this thread simply hoping to start an argument?

You can be sneaky that way.

^

the real sneaky folks are the ones who can start a thread here that doesn't turn into a argument

My threads don't usually turn into arguments.

They usually drop like stones.

So, if you don't believe humans have a soul, what do you think of Spirit ?  












I believe it's Body~Spirit~Soul...:)
 

>>killing a fetus is an easy way out of dealing with the outcome of your promiscuity

Slut-shaming misogyny is bullshit. 

kids are not mistakes.

Clearly many people procreate unintentionally, or procreate and are terrible parents - for them it's a mistake and the kids suffer..well, some of them do anyway. others are more resilient and grow up to be healthy individuals who aren't constantly blaming others for their problems. 

oh, kindly STFU about abortion and a woman's right to choose.

easy way out of dealing with the outcome of your promiscuity.

Assuming "promiscuity" is the reason for choosing to terminate a pregnancy is rather limited in scope of thought. There are many reasons that a woman (perhaps with the input of a partner) might choose to have an abortion. If you're going to argue a point, this is not the way to do it. 

>>>> or procreate and are terrible parents - for them it's a mistake and the kids suffer..

so what age can these people tell this to their kids? 

17

I don't really think about the spirit at all, Lyn.

I was an unplanned pregnancy, as was my little sister. My parents were married and the "surprise" factor was due to fertility issue so we were always under the impression it was a positive thing. I think they told me as a part of the general "birds and the bees" talk. Not sure how old I was when that happened: more than five but less than ten?