Poem by me, yesterday

Generally about adoption & life's challenges. Peppered with song references I care about, some obvious some not. Still polishing, it's rough.


Lost

Born into loss, it’s the first thing I knew
From time’s forgotten space, I withdrew
It provided a context for what can be true
But no-one could save a lost little-boy-blue
A fortunate son, found a nest with a view
I climbed down to first walk, but eventually flew

Loss was a rule through all of those years
It served as the fuel, to jack-up my fears
I refused to move forward, just grinding the gears

Then the dancer came by, and pressed my stuck clutch
She must be the one who’s sweet magic touch
Could change my mind, and help me so much

The cure to trick loss, is just don’t let go
It seemed that could work, but what do I know?
I held on to it all, from first tooth to last try
But shit got so heavy, too heavy to fly
I knew only one thing, to hold on, for sure
No chance of losing, this love will endure

But death has no mercy, and loss took my hand
What I found in my grip was just hourglass-sand
Dad went quick, and then next, went all that he built
Mom’s tide went much further, beach rippled with guilt
That beach where the blue-boy would surely have drowned
If it weren’t for the dancer, who still stuck around

I’ve lived like an island, hoarding all that I need
Afraid to let go, grant defeat, or concede
But my timing got sloppy, I danced like a hick
Floating my feathers to wherever they’d stick
Some stuck to lost purpose, some stuck to sad fun
The rest burned-up as I flew too close to the sun

So I tried to lose fear, tried to lose doubt
Tried to lose all that baggage I was better without
But I was losing too much, dropped the key near the beach
I lost the trust of my dancer, it fell out of reach
She said, “From your pocket, more things, they just fell”
I was honestly, recklessly, not doing well

Now the warm, blue salt-water flows from my eyes
I throw words at this page to see how truth lies
I see that holding on tight, just nets loss
And it blinds me from lines I should know not to cross
She might dance away now, or might stay nearby
Still I fear losing Sun from my darkening sky