The hardest thing Ive done
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Happened today...
I previously had posted about the shit storm that was 2022 and the hopes that '23 would be better...after both our parents died i became the patriarch of my family and i stepped up and stepped in and when no one else would help, i got my n'er do well brother off the streets and into a rehab. He was bad, worse than anyone knew. He was shooting speedballs of meth and fentanyl multiple times a day. i reached out and back to old friends of mine that are now sober and somehow alive after the 80's and 90's in South Florida. I got him into a rehab, Christian based, that i could afford to spring for and got him there. He was excelling, or so we thought, maybe he was at first he really was doing great.
Today he got himself kicked out. He looked for me to bail him out. I cannot. There is nothing where i live for him to come here and do. We live 15 miles outside of town, 15 miles and 1300' downhill from here. He begged me for a plane ticket and for money. My wife is dealing with her own new found sobriety these last 4+ months. I booked him a room in a hostel tonight in Miami and then i blocked his phone. I am cutting him off. Hes either gonna get right or get dead and i cant help him anymore either way. Hes 50 fucking years old.
It breaks my heart to do this. I know its the right thing, for me and my wife and my daughter. I already have his two dogs and have given them a stable house and tons of love. I know ' the right thing ' isnt always the easiest thing and that it is quite subjective, ' right ' for who? Me? my fam...yeah...for him, i dont know.
all i know is that my heart is broken today and i just want to lay down and curl up in a ball. I guess you cant help those that dont want to help themselves
sadly...
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Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: El Nino
I'm sorry that really sucks.
I'm sorry that really sucks. I've had to shut the door on people close to me. At some point there is nothing left to do and addicts are just like people drowning who will drag under the people trying to save them. Keep your wife safe.
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: cultivate kindness
As a long-time recovered
As a long-time recovered alcoholic/addict, I'm going to say you did the right thing, Mike. I kept on going back to booze and hard dope until pretty much everyone who meant something to me cut me off.
That said, I'm curious why your brother got kicked out of the rehab? Is he using again?
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: That’s Nancy with the laughin’ face
Sounds like an awful
Sounds like an awful situation.
when he's ready to get sober he can always head to the nearest Salvation Army. At some point the enabling does an addict no good and certainly isn't healthy for you or your family.and often there's underlying (untreated) mental illness so compassion is always warranted. Hopefully he finds his way and back into your family soon. I don't know that you need to block him, just don't respond until he takes the necessary steps to get sober. I hear Al-Anon can provide family members with some relief.
https://www.salvationarmyusa.org/usn/rehabilitation/
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: joy
Had to do the same with my
Had to do the same with my brother. Unfortunately he didn't get right.
But I still feel I did everything in my power to help him.
It wasn't enough. But at least he isn't tormenting the family anymore.
R.I.P Erik.....
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: MikePA
@Mike - he was in a Christian
@Mike - he was in a Christian based sober living arrangement for which i paid the entry fees. its called Hope Center Ministries and he was in for 6.5 months...i spoke to the Director/Pastor ( 17 yrs sober himself ) and he told me that my brother, who had been there for almost 6 months ( halfway thru the program ) had made 3 prior transgressions...the last straw was using his privilege, he was the house cook, to get into the lock up and he took his cell phone out and was caught on the phone. When i confronted him about those transgressions his response was " that crackhead is a liar ". My heart is heavy tonigh.t It is telling that my other 4 siblings want nothing to do with him...
i appreciate all the help and love, sometimes it just helps to know there are others out there that have been here too
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: fishcane
This life can sure be tough
This life can sure be tough but know you did the right thing
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: Lance minimum goad Newberry
You did bail him out. Now he
You did bail him out. Now he just wants you to carry him.
You did the right thing by helping him, and now you are doing the right thing by closing the door. At some point everyone needs a hand up, but sometimes they just want a handout, which does just enable them to continue the road they're on and naturally leads them to expect more handouts.
You have other people who rely on you. If your brother crashes (and if he's shooting fentanyl multiple times a day a hard crash is an almost certain result) you'll feel terrible, but you shouldn't feel guilty. If you give in and carry him then his crash could well injure more of your family as well, and then you'll feel much worse, and also guilty.
All just a bunch of words, and it sounds like you know all that already, but you did do the right thing, which is almost never the easy thing, and maybe it will push your brother enough to help himself to get out of his hole. But if he doesn't it won't be your fault.
Good luck and carry on.
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: GDTRFB
I am sorry to hear this but I
I am sorry to hear this but I believe that you did the right thing too, as painful as it may be and feel. Tough road.
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: Mice elf
It really really hurts when
It really really hurts when you realize you're actually grieving a living person
who you love and care about
Just the same his lifestyle choices can't be allowed to turn your lives toxic
Much love to you guys mikePA
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: dimethyllovebeam
((((((((((((((((( MilePA &
((((((((((((((((( MikePA & Family )))))))))))))))))
((((((((((((((((( Love )))))))))))))))))))
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: Druba
I can understand not wanting
I can understand not wanting to offer sanctuary or money, but i'd turn your phone back on....
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: Localcountyline
Mike, I read all the shit you
Mike, I read all the shit you went through last year; I'm sorry to hear this year is starting as bad or worse.
I agree that what you did was incredibly hard and painful, but it sounds like it had to be done. Maybe this will wake him up.
Congratulations to your wife for what she is doing; all the best to you and your family.
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: treat island
MikePA, what's a person to do
MikePA, what's a person to do? You gave him what you could, and you're saving your wife and daughter from what you can. You love him and you did your best; you're still doing your best. It hurts.
Congrats to your wife on her sobriety.
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: skyjunk
My prayers are with you and
My prayers are with you and your Family, Mike
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: and then there's
fishhcane summed it up
fishhcane summed it up perfectly
judit added the woman's touch, as it were
junkies are liars, mourn his loss now, and i am so sorry. bad drugs are fucking terrible on every level. and the worst is so many have begun as "medically legit"
that's my hardline view
my heart really hurts for you and him
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: MikePA
hey all of you - thanks for
hey all of you - thanks for the vibes and support and words of wisdom...
HEY JILLY ! Miss ya'...one day we'll 3D again...
peace ya'll
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: donster
Don't know you Mike, but have
Don't know you Mike, but have tears rolling down my cheeks at this thread.
Living on reds, vitamin C & Cocaine, all her friends can say is "ain't it a shame"
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: jazfish
Mike , I feel your pain.
Mike , I feel your pain. Tough love is the hardest love there is.
All the best that it can be to you.
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: aiq
I did the same with my
I did the same with my daughter's mother after 20 years, four or five rehabs, and an arrest (theft).
She is deceased now and I am sad for that but I was not going down with the ship.
Don't go down with the ship.
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: Philzone Refugee
Good luck to you and yours
Good luck to you and yours Mike. A tough situation all around.
As the pater familias, you have to mind the herd or troops so to speak.
Pray for the angels to find your brother.
Peace to you all.