I might be movin' to Montana soon
Just to raise me up a crop of
Dental Floss
Raisin' it up
Waxen it down
In a little white box
That I can sell uptown
By myself I wouldn't
Have no boss,
But I'd be raisin' my lonely
Dental Floss
Raisin' my lonely
Dental Floss
Well I just might grow me some bees
But I'd leave the sweet stuff
To somebody else . . . but then, on the other hand I would
Keep the wax
'N melt it down
Pluck some Floss
'N swish it aroun'
I'd have me a crop
An' it'd be on top (that's why I'm movin' to Montana)
Movin' to Montana soon
Gonna be a Dental Floss tycoon (yes I am)
Movin' to Montana soon
Gonna be a mennil-toss flykune
I'm pluckin' the ol'
Dennil Floss
That's growin' on the prairie
Pluckin' the floss!
I plucked all day an' all nite an' all
Afternoon . . .
I'm ridin' a small tiny hoss
(His name is MIGHTY LITTLE)
He's a good hoss
Even though
He's a bit dinky to strap a big saddle or
Blanket on anyway
He's a bit dinky to strap a big saddle or
Blanket on anyway
Any way
I'm pluckin' the ol'
Dennil Floss
Even if you think it is a little silly, folks
I don't care if you think it's silly, folks
I don't care if you think it's silly, folks
I'm gonna find me a horse
Just about this big,
An' ride him all along the border line
With a
Pair of heavy-duty
Zircon-encrusted tweezers in my hand
Every other wrangler would say
I was mighty grand
By myself I wouldn't
Have no boss,
But I'd be raisin' my lonely
Dental Floss
Raisin' my lonely
Dental Floss
Raisin' my lonely
Dental Floss
Well I might
Ride along the border
With my tweezers gleamin'
In the moon-lighty night
And then I'd
Get a cuppa cawfee
'N give my foot a push . . .
Just me 'n the pygmy pony
Over by the Dennil Floss Bush
'N then I might just
Jump back on
An' ride
Like a cowboy
Into the dawn to Montana
Movin' to Montana soon
(Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay)
Movin' to Montana soon
(Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay)
Movin' to Montana soon
(Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay)
Movin' to Montana soon
(Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay)
Movin' to Montana soon
(Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay)
Movin' to Montana soon
(Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay)
Movin' to Montana soon
(Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay)
Movin' to Montana soon
(Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay)
Movin' to Montana soon
(Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay)
Movin' to Montana soon
(Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay)
Movin' to Montana soon
(Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay)
Movin' to Montana soon
(Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay)
Yes, but he wrote plenty of instrumentals throughout his career.
>Do you ever feel like he was kind of a sexist pig
Sometimes, homophobic too, and an intellectual elitist.
But FZ's lyrics cover a variety of topics. He was an equal opportunity offender.
"Stick Together"
This is a song about the union, friends
How they fucked you over and the way they bends
The rules to suit a special few
And you gets pooched every time they do
You know we gotta stick together
You know we gotta stick together
You know we gotta stick together
You know we gotta stick together
Once upon a time the idea was good
If only they'd a done what they said they would
It ain't no better, they's makin' it worse
The labor movement's got the Mafia curse
You know we gotta stick together
You know we gotta stick together
You know we gotta stick together
You know we gotta stick together
Don't be no fool, don't be no dope
Common sense is your only hope
When the union tells you it's time to strike
Tell the motherfucker to take a hike
You know we gotta stick together
You know we gotta stick together
You know we gotta stick together
You know we gotta stick together
[repeats]
I get the impression that you have not listened to much of the catalog
I don't judge him by the lyrics because the lyrics tell the stories and the stories are not necessarily an autobiography. If we went down that road then Jerry and Bobby would have been murderers and such...
My wife thinks frank was hot.
Frank would have been president if he was still alive.
I always wondered what he was like when he was sincere and not being a comedian. Answer for me was instrumental stuff. Admit I am ignorant but that's in large part because I had a low threshold for schtick.
Trailhead, I agree to a certain extent, but I think the line between satire and sincerity were often blurred. Would you agree on the intellectual elitist part?
[singing]
What wickedness id dis?
De way you's carryin' on!
Dis pygmy I be clutchin'
Have been lef' out on de lawn!
De daddy were ne-GLIJ-ible,
De mama were de-FLATE-able,
De trauma to de imfunt
Be mostly not ne-GATE-able
Yo' urgin' to be exitin'
Because of dem fla-min-i-go's
Be thoroughly perplexin' him
Because of where yo' petuh goes
If only you been 'siderate
Erbout dis lil' illiterate
I wouldna been trudgin' cross de san'
Fum way down yonder in E-gyp-lan'
Dey callin' me BROWN MOSES,
Fo' dat id sho'ly what I am,
Ancient an' re-lij-er-mus
Solemn an' pres-tig-i-mus
Wisdom reekin' outa me
'Long wif summa dis baby pee
'Minds me of dem River Weeds
'N all dem ignint Bible deeds
Growed up in de Pharoah place,
Lef' de sucker in disgrace!
Some dem boys refuse to loin
Somthin' smokin': Somthin' boin!
Somethin' borry: Somethin' blue!
Best keeps a lil' paper
In yo shoe!
Hear me when I's tellin' you:
Leavin' de midgit were
WRONG T'DO!
It's a terr'ble thang, done did to him
Left wit de crab-grass
Over his chin!
Sho'ly one day he will grow,
'N put some shit
In yo' sack o' woe
OL' BROWN MOSES now have spoke!
Could ya lends me 'bout a dollar?
I's a tiny bit broke
I likes my wine
I loves my gin
'N fo a lil' collateral,
I'll gives ya HIM!
A lil' collateral,
I'll gives ya HIM!
A lil' collateral,
I'll gives ya HIM!
I said a lil' collateral,
A lil' collateral,
A lil' collateral,
A lil' collateral,
A lil' collateral,
I'll gives ya HIM!
I'll gives ya HIM!
TAKE A POMPADOUR, BABY
One 'n one is eleven!
Two 'n two is twenty-two!
Won't somebody kindly tell me,
What the government's tryin' t' do...
Dickie's just too tricky
For a chump like me to use
Well, you'd take that sub-committee serious, boy
You might get a seizure from the evenin' news
Well, yeah, yeah,
Millions 'n millions of dollars...
Much as he might need...
He could open up a chain of motels, people,
On the highway, yes indeed!
Quadrophonic desperation!
You know, there'd be a cable all under your bed
Well, if you just might break some wind in your slumber
The FBI is gonna get your number
GONNA GET YA
GONNA GET YA
GONNA JUMP UP THE SUB-COMMITTEE AND GET YA!
GONNA GET YOUR NUMBER
THE FBI
GONNA GET YOUR NUMBER
THE FBI
GONNA GET YOUR NUMBER
THE FBI
GONNA GET YOUR NUMBER
THE FBI
DONE GOT YOUR NUMBER
THE FBI
DONE GOT YOUR NUMBER
THE FBI
GONNA GET YOUR NUMBER
THE FBI
GONNA GET YOUR NUMBER
GONNA GET YOUR NUMBER
GONNA GET YOUR NUMBER
Tryin' not to worry
Tryin' not to care
But you know, I get delighted
When some microphone's not there
Can't have no private conversations
Nowhere
In the USA
Can't wait 'til the rest of the people all over the world
Find out that their government
Is just the same ol' way
Yeah, every day...
Let me tell you one thing right now
Let me tell you one thing right here
Let me make this perfectly clear
Let me tell you 'bout this right here
You know you put me in office
So you must have wanted me in office
I've did you no harm
You know I'm not a crook
You know I'm innocent
I had twenty-five tapes
I only have ten
I don't know what happened to the rest
Musta gave 'em to a friend
Bebe
Somebody
Ronald
Somebody
Who
Was it?
Who?
We know you're not a crook
We know you're not a crook
All we wanna say is one more thing now:
The gangster stepped right up,
Kissed him on the lip good-bye
Made him a cocksucker by proxy, yes he did,
An' he didn't even bat an eye!
The man in the White House – oh!
He's got a conscience – oh!
He's got a conscience as black as sin!
There's just one thing I wanna know –
How'd that asshole ever manage to get in?
FZ: Here it comes, ladies and gentlemen, sing right along:
DICKIE'S SUCH AN ASSHOLE
Sincerely, Dick, we mean it
Wee-ooo
Rhymin' Man,
Tall and tan,
Rhyme or reason,
Play your hand -
Rhyme on this - rhyme on that
Oh, you naughty Democrat!
They say when Doctor King got shot,
Jesse hatched an awful plot,
Dipped his hands in the Doctor's blood,
'N rubbed his shirt like playin' with mud
Looked around for all the press,
Said: "Check me out, my name is Jess!
I'll be known from towns 'n farms -
Doctor King died in my arms!"
Rhymin' Man,
Tall and tan,
Rhyme or reason,
Play your hand -
Rhyme on this - rhyme on that
Oh, you naughty Democrat!
A few years later, legend says,
Rhymin' man made a run for Prez
Farrakhan made him a clown,
Over there near Hymie-Town
Said he was a diplomat -
Hobbin' an-a-knobbin' with Arafat
Castro was simpatico,
Though the U.S. voters, they said: "No!"
Rhymin' Man,
Tall and tan,
Rhyme or reason,
Play your hand -
Rhyme on this - rhyme on that
Oh, you naughty Democrat!
Okay, here we go again!
Rhymin' Man says he's your friend
Any fool can make a rhyme -
Cowboys do it all the time
(We could do, they sure do)
People say: "Now he's mature!"
Cowboys rhyme that with horse manure
Horse manure!
(Horse manure)
That's for sure!
You been cheatin' -
We kept score!
Are you "this"?
Or are you "that"?
Oh, you naughty
Demo . . . (crat!)
Democrat
If you were to focus on only the lyrics, you would miss so much of what Zappa was about. He was a great composer, arranger, bandleader, guitarist, lyricist, vocalist, and studio wizard. Not to mention the films he made. He loved doo-wop, big band, classical, jazz, and tango. Believe it or not, he was not the biggest fan of rock and roll. He had a sharp wit and was a great observer. Hated politicians. Also a workaholic who was never content. He started many musicians in his bands over the years who went on to have successful musical careers. There was only one Frank, then they broke the mold. The man was a true genius in every sense of the word.
^Listen to Jazz from hell, or civilization phase lll to hear in what the direction he was headed.
"Yo Cats"
Yo cats, yo yo
Yo chooch, way to go
You is dead, but you don't know
Yo let's carve, hey where's them blow?
Get your fiddle, get your bow
Play some footballs on your hole
Watch your watch, play a little flat
Make the session go overtime, that's where it's at
Hey, saxophone, clarinet
How many doubles can you get
Special rules providin' the way
To help you maximize your pay
Your girl, Arlyn's, what's the diff
What's the service that you're with
So long as you can suck them butt
On the contractor who calls you up
Your career could take a thud
Unless you kneel and scarf his pud
And when the dates come rolling in
You can wipe your lips and flash a grin
That tells them all at the jingle date
That you enjoyed what you just ate
Yum yum, dog food
Haemorrhoid cream but the bread's so good
New RV and a leisure suit
Hey, I play shit but I love that loot
Thank the union, it's so great
Only a few get to be on the date
Those other schmucks with electric guitars
Got to play for poot in the "B" scale bars
You have made it, you are cool
You have been to the Berklee School
You give clinics on the side
Music has died and no one cried
"Dumb All Over"
Whoever we are
Wherever we're from
We shoulda noticed by now
Our behavior is dumb
And if our chances
Expect to improve
It's gonna take a lot more
Than tryin' to remove
The other race
Or the other whatever
From the face
Of the planet altogether
They call it THE EARTH
Which is a dumb kinda name
But they named it right
'Cause we behave the same...
We are dumb all over
Dumb all over,
Yes we are
Dumb all over,
Near'n far
Dumb all over
Black 'n white
People, we is not wrapped tight
Nurds on the left
Nurds on the right
Religious fanatics
On the air every night
Sayin' the Bible
Tells the story
Makes the details
Sound real gory
'Bout what to do
If the geeks over there
Don't believe in the book
We got over here
You can't run a race
Without no feet
'N pretty soon
There won't be no street
For dummies to jog on
Or doggies to dog on
Religious fanatics
Can make it be all gone
(I mean it won't blow up
'N disappear
It'll just look ugly
For a thousand years...)
You can't run a country
By a book of religion
Not by a heap
Or a lump or a smidgeon
Of foolish rules
Of ancient date
Designed to make
You all feel great
While you fold, spindle
And mutilate
Those unbelievers
From a neighboring state
TO ARMS! TO ARMS!
Hooray! That's great
Two legs ain't bad
Unless there's a crate
They ship the parts
To mama in
For souvenirs: two ears (Get down!)
Not his, not hers (but what the hey?)
The Good Book says:
"It's gotta be that way!"
But their book says:
"REVENGE THE CRUSADES. . .
With whips 'n chains
'N hand grenades. . ."
TWO ARMS? TWO ARMS?
Have another and another
Our Cod says:
"There ain't no other!"
Our Cod says
"It's all okay!"
Our God says "This is the way!"
It says in the book:
"Burn 'n destroy. ..
'N repent, 'n redeem
'N revenge, 'n deploy
'N rumble thee forth
To the land of the unbelieving scum on the other side
'Cause they don't go for what's in the book
'N that makes 'em BAD
So verily we must choppeth them up
And stompeth them down
Or rent a nice French bomb
To poof them out of existence
While leaving their real estate just where we need it
To use again
For temples in which to praise OURGOD
("Cause he can really take care of business!")
And when his humble TV servant
With humble white hair
And humble glasses
And a nice brown suit
And maybe a blonde wife who takes phone calls
Tells us our God says
It's okay to do this stuff
Then we gotta do it,
'Cause if we don't do it,
We ain't gwine up to hebbin!
(Depending on which book you're using at the time...
Can't use theirs. . .it don't work . . .it's all lies...Gotta use mine...)
Ain't that right?
That's what they say
Every night...
Everyday. ..
Hey, we can't really be dumb
If we're just following
God's Orders
Hey, let's get serious...
God knows what he's doin'
He wrote this book here
An'the book says:
He made us all to be just like Him,"
so...
If we're dumb...
Then God is dumb...
(An' maybe even a little ugly on the side)
BILLY the Mountain
BILLY the Mountain
A regular picturesque
Postcardy mountain
Residing between lovely
Rosamond and Gorman
With his stunning wife ETHELL,
A tree!
A tree!
BILLY was a mountain
ETHELL was a tree
Growing off of his shoulder
BILLY was a mountain
(BILLY was a mountain!)
ETHELL was a tree
Growing off of his shoulder
(ETHELL was a tree growing off of his shoulder)
(hey, hey hey!)
Billy had two big
Caves for eyes,
With a cliff for a jaw
That would go up 'n down,
And whenever it did,
He'd puff out some dust,
And hack up a boulder
(HACK!)
Hack up a boulder
(HACK! HACK!)
Hack up a boulder
(HACK! HACK! HACK!)
Up a boulder
Now, one day, now I believe it was on a Tuesday, a man in a checkered double-knit suit drove up in a large El Dorado Cadillac, leased from BOB SPREEN...
("Where the freeways meet in Downey!")
...And he laid a HUGE, BULGING ENVELOPE right at the corner of BILLY THE MOUNTAIN, that was right where his 'foot' was supposed to be.
Now, BILLY THE MOUNTAIN, he couldn't believe it! All those postcards he'd posed for, for ALL OF THOSE YEARS, and finally, now, AT LAST, his Royalties!
Royalties!
Royalties...
Royalties!
Royalty check is in, honey!
Yes, BILLY THE MOUNTAIN was RICH! Yes, and his eyeball-caves, they widened in amazement, and his jaw (which was a cliff), well it dropped thirty feet!
A bunch of dust puffed out! Rocks and boulders hacked up, (hack! hack!) crushing 'The LINCOLN'!
I gave him the money
He acted real funny
He hocked up a rock and
It TOTALLED my car!
Oh, do you
Know any trucks
Might be bound for THE VALLEY?
I don't wanna stand here
All night in this bar
(Dear Lord)
I don't wanna stand here
All night in this bar
(No shit!)
I don't wanna stand here
All night in this bar!
By two o'clock, when the bars are already closed down, BILLY had broken 'THE BIG NEWS' to ETHELL. And with dust and boulders everywhere, BILLY, choked with excitement, announced...
"ETHELL, we're going on a VACATION!"
Yes, and they WERE going on a vacation! (Oh, and ETHELL, ETHELL, ETHELL, like every little woman, she of course was very excited! She creaked a little bit, and some old birds flew off of her.) BILLY told ETHELL they were going to... Yes! They were going to NEW YORK!
"ETHELL, we're going to... New York!"
But first they were gonna stop in LAS VEGAS...
It's off to LAS VEGAS
To check out the lounges
Pull a few handles,
And drink a few beers,
(Oh, ETHELL!)
ETHELL, my darling,
You know that I love you!
I'm glad we could have a
Vacation this year!
(Oh, NEET-O!)
Glad we could have a
Vacation this year!
They left that night, crunchin' across the Mojave Desert... their voices echoing through the canyons of your minds (POO-AAH!)
"ETHELL, wanna get a cuppa cawfee?"
(Howard Johnson's! Howard Johnson's!
Howard Johnson's! Howard Johnson's!)
"Ahhh! there's a HOWARD JOHNSONS! Wanna eat some CLAMS?"
The first noteworthy piece of real estate they destroyed was EDWARDS AIR FORCE BASE...
And TO THIS VERY DAY, 'Wing Nuts' and Data Reduction Clerks alike, speak in reverent whispers about that fateful night when TEST STAND #1 and THE ROCKET SLED ITSELF... (We have ignition!)... got LUNCHED! I said LUNCHED! (Lunched!) By a FAMOUS MOUNTAIN-IN and his SMALL, WOODEN WIFE.
"Word just in to the KTTV News Service undeniably links THIS MOUNTAIN and HIS WIFE to drug abuse and pay-offs as part of a San Joaquin Valley SMUT RING! However, we can assure parents in the Southern California area that a recent NARCOTICS CRACK-DOWN, in Torrance, Hawthorne, Lomita, Westchester, Playa Del Rey, Santa Monica, Tujunga, Sunland, San Fernando, Pacoima, Sylmar, Newhall, Canoga Park, Palmdale, Glendale, Irwindale, Rolling Hills, Granada Hills, Shadow Hills,Cheviot Hills, will provide the SECRET EVIDENCE the Palmdale Grand Jury has needed to seek a CRIMINAL INDICTMENT, and pave the way for STIFFER LEGISLATION, increased FEDERAL AID, and AVERT A CRIPPLING STRIKE of Bartenders and Veterinarians throughout the INLAND EMPIRE... "
WITHIN THE WEEK, Jerry Lewis had hosted a Telethon ("Wah wah wah, nice lady!") to raise funds for the injured (injured...) and homeless (homeless...) in Glendale, as BILLY had just levelled it, and, a few miles right outside of town, BILLY caused a 'Oh Mein Papa' in the Earth's crust, right over the SECRET UNDERGROUND DUMPS (right near the 'Jack-In-The-Box' on Glenoaks) where they keep the POOLS OF OLD POISON GAS, and OBSOLETE GERM BOMBS, just as a FREAK TORNADO cruised through...
Yes, it was about three o'clock in the afternoon when little Howard Kaplan was sitting on his porch ( "Toto... !") just playing ( "Come on, Toto... !") and having a nice time with his little accordion ("Toto... !"), and this weird wind came up ("Toto... !"), direct from Glendale ("Toto... ! Toto... !"), blowing these terrible germs in his direction ("Come here, Toto... !"), and all of this caused ("Toto... !") by a huge mountain ("Aunty Em!")!
"Somewhere over the rainbow, bluebirds fly..."
...sucking up two thirds of it (SUCK! SUCK! SUCK!) for UNTIMELY DISPERSAL over VAST STRETCHES of WATTS!!!
Now, unless I misunderstood, it was right outside of Columbus, Ohio when BILLY received his NOTICE TO REPORT for his INDUCTION PHYSICAL. Now, lemme tell ya, ETHELL said, now ETHELL, ETHELL said she wasn't gonna let him go!
"I'm not gonna let you go, BILLY!"
"THAT'S RIGHT! We now have CONFIRMED REPORTS from an INFORMED ORANGE COUNTY MINISTER, that ETHELL is still an ACTIVE COMMUNIST, and it is This Reporter's Opinion that she also practices (COVEN!) WITCH-CRAFT!"
It was about this time that the telephone rang inside of the SECRET BRIEFCASE belonging to THE ONE MORTAL MAN who might be able to stop all of this senseless destruction and save 'AMERICA HERSELF'! (And I'm sorry to disappoint some of you, it was not Chief Reddin) This one MAN was STUDEBAKER HOCH, fantastic new SUPER HERO of the CURRENT ECONOMIC SLUMP.
(Oh) Now, some folks say he looked like (he was like, he was like) ZUBIN MEHTA (Zubin Mehta); still others say (others say he), bullshit, honey (bullshit, man) he's just another greasy guy who happened to be born next to the Frozen Beef Pies at BONEY'S MARKET. (Others say he was just a, just a) Still others say, John, piss on you, Jack! (crazy Italian) He's just a crazy Italian who drove a RED CAR. You see (nobody knows for sure 'cause he was so), nobody ever really knew for sure, because STUDEBAKER was so-o-o-o-o-o mysterious (mysterious)...
HE WAS SO
(He was so, he was so!)
MYSTERIOUS!
HE WAS SO
(He was so, he was so!)
MYSTERIOUS!
'Cuz when a person gets to be
Such a HERO, folks,
And MARVELOUS BEYOND COMPUTE,
You can never REALLY TELL
About a GUY LIKE THAT
(Whether he's really a NICE PERSON
Or if he just SMILES A LOT),
(What?)
Or if he has a son named 'PINOCCHIO',
Or what?
Whether he's really a NICE PERSON or if he has a son named 'PINOCCHIO' or what?
Some men say he could FLY
Some men say he could SWIM
Others say he could SING (like NEIL SEDAKA),
And all the girls in FLUSHING
Would be AMAZED of HIM
(Two, Three!)
AMAZED of HIM!
(Amazed!)
(Amazed!)
Time passes...
January, February, March, July...
Wednesday...
August...
Irwindale...
...2:30 in the afternoon, Sunday, Monday...
Funny Cars!
Walnut!
Friday
City of Industry...
Big John Mazmanian!
So when the phone rang
In the secret briefcase,
A strong masculine hand
With a Dudley Do-Right wristwatch
And flexy bracelet
GRABBED IT
And answered
In a deep, calmly assured voice:
"So... ah... yeah, yeah, hello already... what?... Well, yeah?... Ah, are you kidding... ? You're not kidding... a mountain... ? With a tree growing off of its shoulder... ? Aw, you're fulla shit, man... ah, listen, by the way, before I go on; did you get those white albums I sent ya with the pencil on the front... ? Yeah... ? Yeah, you should move some of those for me, we're having a lot of... listen, so kiss little Jakee on the head... and, ah, how's your wife's hemorrhoids? Oh, that's too bad... Listen... so you've got a mountain, with a tree, listen, causing... oh, my! Well, let me write this down . . . sorta take a few notes here... yeah... ? To El Segundo, huh? Causing UNTOLD DESTRUCTION?... oh... God... That's terrible!... (my baby, my baby) Wanted for DRAFT EVASION? An expense account? And per diem, too?"
SOME MEN SAY HE COULD DANCE!
They said he could DANCE, and, of course, THEY were right! Ladies and Gentlemen, this is it: THE STUDEBAKER HOCH DANCING LESSON & COSMIC PRAYER FOR GUIDANCE featuring Aynsley Dunbar, hit it!
RIGHT HAND FROM THE HEART-UH
LEFT HAND FROM THE HEART-UH
RIGHT HAND FROM THE HEART-UH
LEFT HAND FROM THE LEFT SHOULDER
TO THE HEART-Uh
Fillmore, Fillmore, Fillmore, Fillmore...
NOBODY can DANCE like STUDEBAKER HOCH! So many rumors have spread about STUDEBAKER HOCH! (A rumor... a rumor...) Consider this rumor (a rumor...), which was published (a rumor...) about three weeks ago in ROLLING STONE!
Oh, it's gotta be true!
STUDEBAKER HOCH can write THE LORD'S Prayer on the head of a pin!
"NO!"
Do-do-do-do-do,
Doot-doot-do DO DO DO!
Do-do-do-do-do,
Doot-doot-do DO!
Etc.
(I'm so HIP!)
BEEF PIES!
He was born next to the BEEF PIES,
Underneath JONI MITCHELL'S autographed picture,
Right beside ELLIOT ROBERTS' big Bank Book,
Next to the boat
Where CROSBY flushed away all his stash
And the cops
Got him in the boat and drove away
To THE CAN
Where Neil Young slipped another disc
FROZE-ing by the PIES!
FROZE-ing by the PIES!
FROZE-ing by the PIES!
(And that was the main influence on HIM!)
The influence of a Frozen Beef Pie!
Boldly springing into action, he phoned his wife (who ran a modeling school), WHEREUPON HE... yes, HE ran around the back of 'THE BROADWAY' at Hollywood Boulevard and Vine to see if he could find himself some big large, un-used cardboard boxes (no shit!)
After which, he hit up the RALPH'S on Sunset for some 'AUNT JEMIMA SYRUP', some 'KAISER BROILER FOIL', and a pair of blunt scissors! Hey-hey!
Yes! Yes, and in the parking lot of RALPH'S, where "no prices are lower prices than RALPH'S," in the parking lot of RALPH'S (in between a pair of customized trucks where nobody was looking), he cut out some really, really, really NICE WINGS, and he covered them thoroughly with foil!
Thorough-LY wi-TH (e-e-e-e-e) FOIL-L-L!
Then he took those 'WINGS' and wedged one under each of his powerful arms and sneaked into a telephone booth...
YES!! Yes! And then he SHUT THE FUCKING DOOR! And he pulled down his blue denim policeman type trouser pants, and he spread even amounts of AUNT JEMIMA maple syrup all over the inside of his legs!
Soon the booth was filling with flies!
(Help me, help me, help me!)
He held open the legs of his boxer shorts so they could all get in (Yes! Yeah!), and when each and every one of those little cocksuckin' flies had gone into his pants, and they were lapping up all that maple syrup, he bent over and he put his head between his legs and he said in a very clear, impressive, RON HUBBARD-type voice...
"NEW YORK!"
...and the booth and everything lifted up, out of the parking lot, and into the sky!
He's coating his legs
With AUNT JEMIMA syrup up and down!
His shorts'll be filled with flies
That will be buzzing all around!
Stoodlabaker Hoch:
He's really outa sight!
Stoodlabaker Hoch:
He does it every night!
Stoodlabaker Hoch:
He treats the flies all right
STOODLA-BAKER HOCH
That's why they never bite, hey!
(Please to New York!
Fly to New York!)
He could be a DOG
Or a FROG
Or a LESBIAN QUEEN!
(Fly to New York!)
He could be a NARK
Or a LADY MARINE!
Or he might play dirty!
He's OVER THIRTY!
(Getting old? Say! I don't know!)
His peculiar attire
And the flies he require
Keep leading him on
'Cause ETHELL is gone
They keep leading him on
'Cause ETHELL is gone
And THE MOUNTAIN she's on
And speaking of mountains, we'll join STUDEBAKER HOCH on the edge of BILLY THE MOUNTAIN's mouth. Take it away:
"Ah... ya, ya, ya, hey-ah BILLY, ah, listen... I've come to REASON with you! Our GREAT COUNTRY needs you in the Armed Forces! Your NUMBER came up... you can't go on running like this forever."
Oh! But ETHELL just shook her twigs angrily, but STUDEBAKER HOCH, calm, cool, collected, and UN-ferturbed, continued...
"Ya, well listen, you (cough cough)... listen, you COMMUNIST SON-OF-A-BITCH! You better get your ass down there for your fuckin' physical, or I'll see to it that you get used for FILL DIRT in some impending New Jersey MARSH RECLAMATION... and your girl-friend there will wind up disguised as a series of brooms, primitive ironing boards (or a DOG HOUSE)... get the (cough, cough), GET THE PICTURE?"
Yeah, well, BILLY just laughed:
"HO, HO, HO! If they think they're gonna draft ME, they're CRAZY!"
Unfortunately, because STUDEBAKER HOCH was standing on the edge of BILLY THE MOUNTAIN's mouth when the giant mountain laughed, STUDEBAKER HOCH lost his footing and fell, screaming, two hundred feet into the rubble below!
"Aaahhhhh... oh fuck, I'm gonna need a TRUSS..."
Oh, listen, that only goes to show you, and it'll show you once again that...
A Mountain is something
You don't wanna fuck with
You don't wanna fuck with
Don't fuck around
(Don't fuck around)
Don't fuck with BILLY (No!)
And don't fuck with ETHELL
(You saw what just happened
To the guy with the flies!)
And if these words you do not heed
Your pocket book just kinda might recede
When some man comes along and claims a godly need
He will clean you out right through your tweed
That's right, remember there is a big difference between
kneeling down and bending over...
He's got twenty million dollars
In his Heavenly Bank Account.. .
All from those chumps who was
Born again
Oh yeah, oh yeah
He's got seven limousines
And a private plane...
All for use of his
Special Friends
Oh yeah, oh yeah
He's got thousand-dollar suits
And a Wembley Tie...
Girls love to stroke it
While he's on the phone
Oh yeah, oh yeah
At the House of Representatives
He's a groovy guy. . .
When he Gives Thanks He is not alone. . .
He is dealin'
He is really dealin' IRS can't determine
Where The Hook is
It is easy with the Bible
To pretend that
You're in Show Biz
They won't get him
They will never get him
For the naughty stuff
That he did
It is best in cases like this
To pretend that
You are stupid
He's got Presidential Help
All along the way
He says the grace
While the lawyers chew
Oh yeah
They sure do
And the Governors agree to say: "He's a lovely man!"
He makes it easier for
Them to screw
All of you...
Yes, that's true!
'Cause he helps put
The Fear of God
In the Common Man
Snatchin' up money
Everywhere he can
Oh yeah Oh yeah
He's got twenty million dollars
In his Heavenly Bank Account
You ain't got nothin', people
You ain't got nothin', people
You ain't got nothin', people
Thank the man.. .oh yeah
It's a miserable Friday night;
I'm so lonely
And nobody'll give me a ride
To the Grateful Dead concert... Oh rats!
I got to be free
Free as the wind
Free is the way I got to be
Maybe I'm lost
Maybe I sinned
I got to be
Totally free
Our parents don't love us
Our teachers they say
Things that are boring
So we're running away
And we will be free
And people will see
That when we are free
That's the way we should be
Nothing left to do but get out the 'ol glue (Sniff it good now. ..)
Our parents don't love us
Our teachers they say
Things that are boring
So we're running away
And we will be free
And people will see
That when we are free
That's the way we should be
(WE MUST BE FREE!)
The glue! The glue! I can't find the glue!
(WE MUST BE FREE AS THE WIND)
If I was at the concert now, I'd be RIPPED!
(WE WERE FREE WHEN WE WERE BORN!)
I could tighten my headband for an extra rush
During Jerry's guitar solo
Then I could go to a midnite show of 200 MOTELS!
(WE WERE BORN FREE, BUT, NOW WE ARE NOT FREE ANYMORE!)
"Opal, you hot little bitch!"
"You can take this pin n' hang it in yer ass!"
"You ain't the devil!"
"Where's my waitress?"
BUT WE WANNA BE FREE
AN'WERE GONNA BE FREE
YES, WE WANT TO BE FREE
AND WE'RE GONNA BE FREE ...did you know that
FREE IS WHEN YOU DON'T HAVE TO PAY FOR NOTHING OR DO NOTHING
WE WANT TO BE FREE FREE AS THE WIND
FREE IS WHEN YOU DON'T HAVE TO PAY FOR NOTHING OR DO NOTHING
WE WANT TO BE FREE FREE AS THE WIND
FREE IS WHEN YOU DON'T HAVE TO PAY FOR NOTHING OR DO NOTHING
WE WANT TO BE FREE FREE AS THE WIND
FREE IS WHEN YOU DON'T HAVE TO PAY FOR NOTHING OR DO NOTHING
WE WANT TO BE FREE FREE AS THE WIND
And...
"Oh No"
Oh no
I don't believe it
You say that you think you know
The meaning of love
You say love is all we need
You say
With your love you can change
All of the fools
All of the hate
I think you're probably
Out to lunch
Oh no
I don't believe it
You say that you think you know
The meaning of love
Do you really think it can be told?
You say that you really know
I think
You should check it again
How can you say
What you believe
Will be the key to a
World of love?
All your love -
Will it save me?
All your love -
Will it save the world
From what we can't understand
Oh no
I don't believe it
And in your dreams
You can see yourself
As a prophet saving the world
The words from your lips
I just can't believe you are such
A fool
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: Strangha
That's OK. Not sure anyone,
That's OK. Not sure anyone, including Frank, would care.
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: Hitchhiker awaiting "true call"
Do you ever feel like he was
Do you ever feel like he was kind of a sexist pig?
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: the obvious was clear
Does Humor Belong in Music?
Does Humor Belong in Music?
https://youtu.be/CbeFjEHE-XY
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: candyfrog
>Do you ever feel like he was
>Do you ever feel like he was kind of a sexist pig?
sex sells
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: GravyTrain
My wife doesn't like them
My wife doesn't like them either.
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: candyfrog
add my grandmother to the
add my grandmother to the list
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: jon
slacks
slacks
graves wifey
frogs gramama
anyone else???
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: Hitchhiker awaiting "true call"
Was his later stuff more
Was his later stuff more instrumental?
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: Roarshock
MONTANA
MONTANA
I might be movin' to Montana soon
Just to raise me up a crop of
Dental Floss
Raisin' it up
Waxen it down
In a little white box
That I can sell uptown
By myself I wouldn't
Have no boss,
But I'd be raisin' my lonely
Dental Floss
Raisin' my lonely
Dental Floss
Well I just might grow me some bees
But I'd leave the sweet stuff
To somebody else . . . but then, on the other hand I would
Keep the wax
'N melt it down
Pluck some Floss
'N swish it aroun'
I'd have me a crop
An' it'd be on top (that's why I'm movin' to Montana)
Movin' to Montana soon
Gonna be a Dental Floss tycoon (yes I am)
Movin' to Montana soon
Gonna be a mennil-toss flykune
I'm pluckin' the ol'
Dennil Floss
That's growin' on the prairie
Pluckin' the floss!
I plucked all day an' all nite an' all
Afternoon . . .
I'm ridin' a small tiny hoss
(His name is MIGHTY LITTLE)
He's a good hoss
Even though
He's a bit dinky to strap a big saddle or
Blanket on anyway
He's a bit dinky to strap a big saddle or
Blanket on anyway
Any way
I'm pluckin' the ol'
Dennil Floss
Even if you think it is a little silly, folks
I don't care if you think it's silly, folks
I don't care if you think it's silly, folks
I'm gonna find me a horse
Just about this big,
An' ride him all along the border line
With a
Pair of heavy-duty
Zircon-encrusted tweezers in my hand
Every other wrangler would say
I was mighty grand
By myself I wouldn't
Have no boss,
But I'd be raisin' my lonely
Dental Floss
Raisin' my lonely
Dental Floss
Raisin' my lonely
Dental Floss
Well I might
Ride along the border
With my tweezers gleamin'
In the moon-lighty night
And then I'd
Get a cuppa cawfee
'N give my foot a push . . .
Just me 'n the pygmy pony
Over by the Dennil Floss Bush
'N then I might just
Jump back on
An' ride
Like a cowboy
Into the dawn to Montana
Movin' to Montana soon
(Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay)
Movin' to Montana soon
(Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay)
Movin' to Montana soon
(Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay)
Movin' to Montana soon
(Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay)
Movin' to Montana soon
(Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay)
Movin' to Montana soon
(Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay)
Movin' to Montana soon
(Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay)
Movin' to Montana soon
(Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay)
Movin' to Montana soon
(Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay)
Movin' to Montana soon
(Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay)
Movin' to Montana soon
(Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay)
Movin' to Montana soon
(Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay)
-- Frank Zappa
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: Druba
Montana
Montana
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h2q6v0AChyw
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: Druba
But you never knew what Frank
But you never knew what Frank would do next;
https://soundcloud.com/andy-baugh-1/r-a-s-h-i-d
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: magoo
"Some people like cupcakes
"Some people like cupcakes better but I for one, could care less for them" - Frank Zappa
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: nebulous nelly
>Was his later stuff more
>Was his later stuff more instrumental
Yes, but he wrote plenty of instrumentals throughout his career.
>Do you ever feel like he was kind of a sexist pig
Sometimes, homophobic too, and an intellectual elitist.
But FZ's lyrics cover a variety of topics. He was an equal opportunity offender.
"Stick Together"
This is a song about the union, friends
How they fucked you over and the way they bends
The rules to suit a special few
And you gets pooched every time they do
You know we gotta stick together
You know we gotta stick together
You know we gotta stick together
You know we gotta stick together
Once upon a time the idea was good
If only they'd a done what they said they would
It ain't no better, they's makin' it worse
The labor movement's got the Mafia curse
You know we gotta stick together
You know we gotta stick together
You know we gotta stick together
You know we gotta stick together
Don't be no fool, don't be no dope
Common sense is your only hope
When the union tells you it's time to strike
Tell the motherfucker to take a hike
You know we gotta stick together
You know we gotta stick together
You know we gotta stick together
You know we gotta stick together
[repeats]
I get the impression that you have not listened to much of the catalog
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: Sun so hot, clouds so low
I don't judge him by the
I don't judge him by the lyrics because the lyrics tell the stories and the stories are not necessarily an autobiography. If we went down that road then Jerry and Bobby would have been murderers and such...
My wife thinks frank was hot.
Frank would have been president if he was still alive.
FACT!
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: Alias
I always wondered what he was
I always wondered what he was like when he was sincere and not being a comedian. Answer for me was instrumental stuff. Admit I am ignorant but that's in large part because I had a low threshold for schtick.
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: nebulous nelly
Trailhead, I agree to a
Trailhead, I agree to a certain extent, but I think the line between satire and sincerity were often blurred. Would you agree on the intellectual elitist part?
Slacker, listen to more Zappa
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: skyjunk
Well then
Well then
ram it ram it ram it up your poop chute
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: nebulous nelly
*was
*was
"Brown Moses"
[Brown Moses:]
Oh-oh! Wait a minute!
What?
[singing]
What wickedness id dis?
De way you's carryin' on!
Dis pygmy I be clutchin'
Have been lef' out on de lawn!
De daddy were ne-GLIJ-ible,
De mama were de-FLATE-able,
De trauma to de imfunt
Be mostly not ne-GATE-able
Yo' urgin' to be exitin'
Because of dem fla-min-i-go's
Be thoroughly perplexin' him
Because of where yo' petuh goes
If only you been 'siderate
Erbout dis lil' illiterate
I wouldna been trudgin' cross de san'
Fum way down yonder in E-gyp-lan'
Dey callin' me BROWN MOSES,
Fo' dat id sho'ly what I am,
Ancient an' re-lij-er-mus
Solemn an' pres-tig-i-mus
Wisdom reekin' outa me
'Long wif summa dis baby pee
'Minds me of dem River Weeds
'N all dem ignint Bible deeds
Growed up in de Pharoah place,
Lef' de sucker in disgrace!
Some dem boys refuse to loin
Somthin' smokin': Somthin' boin!
Somethin' borry: Somethin' blue!
Best keeps a lil' paper
In yo shoe!
Hear me when I's tellin' you:
Leavin' de midgit were
WRONG T'DO!
It's a terr'ble thang, done did to him
Left wit de crab-grass
Over his chin!
Sho'ly one day he will grow,
'N put some shit
In yo' sack o' woe
OL' BROWN MOSES now have spoke!
Could ya lends me 'bout a dollar?
I's a tiny bit broke
I likes my wine
I loves my gin
'N fo a lil' collateral,
I'll gives ya HIM!
A lil' collateral,
I'll gives ya HIM!
A lil' collateral,
I'll gives ya HIM!
I said a lil' collateral,
A lil' collateral,
A lil' collateral,
A lil' collateral,
A lil' collateral,
I'll gives ya HIM!
I'll gives ya HIM!
TAKE A POMPADOUR, BABY
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: nebulous nelly
Dickie's Such an Asshole
One 'n one is eleven!
Two 'n two is twenty-two!
Won't somebody kindly tell me,
What the government's tryin' t' do...
Dickie's just too tricky
For a chump like me to use
Well, you'd take that sub-committee serious, boy
You might get a seizure from the evenin' news
Well, yeah, yeah,
Millions 'n millions of dollars...
Much as he might need...
He could open up a chain of motels, people,
On the highway, yes indeed!
Quadrophonic desperation!
You know, there'd be a cable all under your bed
Well, if you just might break some wind in your slumber
The FBI is gonna get your number
GONNA GET YA
GONNA GET YA
GONNA JUMP UP THE SUB-COMMITTEE AND GET YA!
GONNA GET YOUR NUMBER
THE FBI
GONNA GET YOUR NUMBER
THE FBI
GONNA GET YOUR NUMBER
THE FBI
GONNA GET YOUR NUMBER
THE FBI
DONE GOT YOUR NUMBER
THE FBI
DONE GOT YOUR NUMBER
THE FBI
GONNA GET YOUR NUMBER
THE FBI
GONNA GET YOUR NUMBER
GONNA GET YOUR NUMBER
GONNA GET YOUR NUMBER
Tryin' not to worry
Tryin' not to care
But you know, I get delighted
When some microphone's not there
Can't have no private conversations
Nowhere
In the USA
Can't wait 'til the rest of the people all over the world
Find out that their government
Is just the same ol' way
Yeah, every day...
Let me tell you one thing right now
Let me tell you one thing right here
Let me make this perfectly clear
Let me tell you 'bout this right here
You know you put me in office
So you must have wanted me in office
I've did you no harm
You know I'm not a crook
You know I'm innocent
I had twenty-five tapes
I only have ten
I don't know what happened to the rest
Musta gave 'em to a friend
Bebe
Somebody
Ronald
Somebody
Who
Was it?
Who?
We know you're not a crook
We know you're not a crook
All we wanna say is one more thing now:
The gangster stepped right up,
Kissed him on the lip good-bye
Made him a cocksucker by proxy, yes he did,
An' he didn't even bat an eye!
The man in the White House – oh!
He's got a conscience – oh!
He's got a conscience as black as sin!
There's just one thing I wanna know –
How'd that asshole ever manage to get in?
FZ: Here it comes, ladies and gentlemen, sing right along:
DICKIE'S SUCH AN ASSHOLE
Sincerely, Dick, we mean it
Wee-ooo
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: nebulous nelly
"Rhymin' Man"
"Rhymin' Man"
Rhymin' Man,
Tall and tan,
Rhyme or reason,
Play your hand -
Rhyme on this - rhyme on that
Oh, you naughty Democrat!
They say when Doctor King got shot,
Jesse hatched an awful plot,
Dipped his hands in the Doctor's blood,
'N rubbed his shirt like playin' with mud
Looked around for all the press,
Said: "Check me out, my name is Jess!
I'll be known from towns 'n farms -
Doctor King died in my arms!"
Rhymin' Man,
Tall and tan,
Rhyme or reason,
Play your hand -
Rhyme on this - rhyme on that
Oh, you naughty Democrat!
A few years later, legend says,
Rhymin' man made a run for Prez
Farrakhan made him a clown,
Over there near Hymie-Town
Said he was a diplomat -
Hobbin' an-a-knobbin' with Arafat
Castro was simpatico,
Though the U.S. voters, they said: "No!"
Rhymin' Man,
Tall and tan,
Rhyme or reason,
Play your hand -
Rhyme on this - rhyme on that
Oh, you naughty Democrat!
Okay, here we go again!
Rhymin' Man says he's your friend
Any fool can make a rhyme -
Cowboys do it all the time
(We could do, they sure do)
People say: "Now he's mature!"
Cowboys rhyme that with horse manure
Horse manure!
(Horse manure)
That's for sure!
You been cheatin' -
We kept score!
Are you "this"?
Or are you "that"?
Oh, you naughty
Demo . . . (crat!)
Democrat
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: DaBreeze
The Meek Shall Inherit
The Meek Shall Inherit Nothing
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: Tim
Ride my face all the way to
Ride my face all the way to Ft. Lauderdale
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: Vann Kliburn
Frank seriously didn't giver
Frank seriously didn't give a fuck what anyone thought
and ok ya'll can stop posting lyrics- now - enough is enough
go listen to the fucking record.
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: Hitchhiker awaiting "true call"
I know he didn't give a fuck
I know he didn't give a fuck when he wrote songs but i wonder
if he would have stopped performing some songs had he lived longer.
Like MCA
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: uncmozo
If you were to focus on only
If you were to focus on only the lyrics, you would miss so much of what Zappa was about. He was a great composer, arranger, bandleader, guitarist, lyricist, vocalist, and studio wizard. Not to mention the films he made. He loved doo-wop, big band, classical, jazz, and tango. Believe it or not, he was not the biggest fan of rock and roll. He had a sharp wit and was a great observer. Hated politicians. Also a workaholic who was never content. He started many musicians in his bands over the years who went on to have successful musical careers. There was only one Frank, then they broke the mold. The man was a true genius in every sense of the word.
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: nebulous nelly
^Listen to Jazz from hell, or
^Listen to Jazz from hell, or civilization phase lll to hear in what the direction he was headed.
"Yo Cats"
Yo cats, yo yo
Yo chooch, way to go
You is dead, but you don't know
Yo let's carve, hey where's them blow?
Get your fiddle, get your bow
Play some footballs on your hole
Watch your watch, play a little flat
Make the session go overtime, that's where it's at
Hey, saxophone, clarinet
How many doubles can you get
Special rules providin' the way
To help you maximize your pay
Your girl, Arlyn's, what's the diff
What's the service that you're with
So long as you can suck them butt
On the contractor who calls you up
Your career could take a thud
Unless you kneel and scarf his pud
And when the dates come rolling in
You can wipe your lips and flash a grin
That tells them all at the jingle date
That you enjoyed what you just ate
Yum yum, dog food
Haemorrhoid cream but the bread's so good
New RV and a leisure suit
Hey, I play shit but I love that loot
Thank the union, it's so great
Only a few get to be on the date
Those other schmucks with electric guitars
Got to play for poot in the "B" scale bars
You have made it, you are cool
You have been to the Berklee School
You give clinics on the side
Music has died and no one cried
Yo cats, Yo yo
Yo chooch way to go
You is dead
Hey! Have a nice one, guy!
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: Tim
Loved his cigerettes and
Loved his cigarettes and coffee
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: g-reg
Tiny is as tiny does
Tiny is as tiny does
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: 2 Room Shack
its nice that you have
its nice that you have discovered music from the 60's and 70's slacker.
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: candyfrog
his potty mouth would not
his potty mouth would not work here.
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: Hitchhiker awaiting "true call"
My friends introduced me to
My friends introduced me to Help I'm a Rock back in 1991.
Their dad had most of his albums.
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: Tim
Sir Richard pump-a-loaf
Sir Richard pump-a-loaf
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: Painted Mandolin
Most appropriate Zappa Lyrics
Most appropriate Zappa Lyrics of our time:
"Dumb All Over"
Whoever we are
Wherever we're from
We shoulda noticed by now
Our behavior is dumb
And if our chances
Expect to improve
It's gonna take a lot more
Than tryin' to remove
The other race
Or the other whatever
From the face
Of the planet altogether
They call it THE EARTH
Which is a dumb kinda name
But they named it right
'Cause we behave the same...
We are dumb all over
Dumb all over,
Yes we are
Dumb all over,
Near'n far
Dumb all over
Black 'n white
People, we is not wrapped tight
Nurds on the left
Nurds on the right
Religious fanatics
On the air every night
Sayin' the Bible
Tells the story
Makes the details
Sound real gory
'Bout what to do
If the geeks over there
Don't believe in the book
We got over here
You can't run a race
Without no feet
'N pretty soon
There won't be no street
For dummies to jog on
Or doggies to dog on
Religious fanatics
Can make it be all gone
(I mean it won't blow up
'N disappear
It'll just look ugly
For a thousand years...)
You can't run a country
By a book of religion
Not by a heap
Or a lump or a smidgeon
Of foolish rules
Of ancient date
Designed to make
You all feel great
While you fold, spindle
And mutilate
Those unbelievers
From a neighboring state
TO ARMS! TO ARMS!
Hooray! That's great
Two legs ain't bad
Unless there's a crate
They ship the parts
To mama in
For souvenirs: two ears (Get down!)
Not his, not hers (but what the hey?)
The Good Book says:
"It's gotta be that way!"
But their book says:
"REVENGE THE CRUSADES. . .
With whips 'n chains
'N hand grenades. . ."
TWO ARMS? TWO ARMS?
Have another and another
Our Cod says:
"There ain't no other!"
Our Cod says
"It's all okay!"
Our God says "This is the way!"
It says in the book:
"Burn 'n destroy. ..
'N repent, 'n redeem
'N revenge, 'n deploy
'N rumble thee forth
To the land of the unbelieving scum on the other side
'Cause they don't go for what's in the book
'N that makes 'em BAD
So verily we must choppeth them up
And stompeth them down
Or rent a nice French bomb
To poof them out of existence
While leaving their real estate just where we need it
To use again
For temples in which to praise OURGOD
("Cause he can really take care of business!")
And when his humble TV servant
With humble white hair
And humble glasses
And a nice brown suit
And maybe a blonde wife who takes phone calls
Tells us our God says
It's okay to do this stuff
Then we gotta do it,
'Cause if we don't do it,
We ain't gwine up to hebbin!
(Depending on which book you're using at the time...
Can't use theirs. . .it don't work . . .it's all lies...Gotta use mine...)
Ain't that right?
That's what they say
Every night...
Everyday. ..
Hey, we can't really be dumb
If we're just following
God's Orders
Hey, let's get serious...
God knows what he's doin'
He wrote this book here
An'the book says:
He made us all to be just like Him,"
so...
If we're dumb...
Then God is dumb...
(An' maybe even a little ugly on the side)
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: .............
I like anyone that can stand
I like anyone that can stand up to, and in a very professional manner, run circles around Congress.
Go see Dweezil, Slack, if ya ever get chance....and keep listening to Frank
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: |-|/-\|_|_
"I never saw Frank, either".
Lance Newberry's favorite:
One, two, three...
BILLY the Mountain
BILLY the Mountain
A regular picturesque
Postcardy mountain
Residing between lovely
Rosamond and Gorman
With his stunning wife ETHELL,
A tree!
A tree!
BILLY was a mountain
ETHELL was a tree
Growing off of his shoulder
BILLY was a mountain
(BILLY was a mountain!)
ETHELL was a tree
Growing off of his shoulder
(ETHELL was a tree growing off of his shoulder)
(hey, hey hey!)
Billy had two big
Caves for eyes,
With a cliff for a jaw
That would go up 'n down,
And whenever it did,
He'd puff out some dust,
And hack up a boulder
(HACK!)
Hack up a boulder
(HACK! HACK!)
Hack up a boulder
(HACK! HACK! HACK!)
Up a boulder
Now, one day, now I believe it was on a Tuesday, a man in a checkered double-knit suit drove up in a large El Dorado Cadillac, leased from BOB SPREEN...
("Where the freeways meet in Downey!")
...And he laid a HUGE, BULGING ENVELOPE right at the corner of BILLY THE MOUNTAIN, that was right where his 'foot' was supposed to be.
Now, BILLY THE MOUNTAIN, he couldn't believe it! All those postcards he'd posed for, for ALL OF THOSE YEARS, and finally, now, AT LAST, his Royalties!
Royalties!
Royalties...
Royalties!
Royalty check is in, honey!
Yes, BILLY THE MOUNTAIN was RICH! Yes, and his eyeball-caves, they widened in amazement, and his jaw (which was a cliff), well it dropped thirty feet!
A bunch of dust puffed out! Rocks and boulders hacked up, (hack! hack!) crushing 'The LINCOLN'!
I gave him the money
He acted real funny
He hocked up a rock and
It TOTALLED my car!
Oh, do you
Know any trucks
Might be bound for THE VALLEY?
I don't wanna stand here
All night in this bar
(Dear Lord)
I don't wanna stand here
All night in this bar
(No shit!)
I don't wanna stand here
All night in this bar!
By two o'clock, when the bars are already closed down, BILLY had broken 'THE BIG NEWS' to ETHELL. And with dust and boulders everywhere, BILLY, choked with excitement, announced...
"ETHELL, we're going on a VACATION!"
Yes, and they WERE going on a vacation! (Oh, and ETHELL, ETHELL, ETHELL, like every little woman, she of course was very excited! She creaked a little bit, and some old birds flew off of her.) BILLY told ETHELL they were going to... Yes! They were going to NEW YORK!
"ETHELL, we're going to... New York!"
But first they were gonna stop in LAS VEGAS...
It's off to LAS VEGAS
To check out the lounges
Pull a few handles,
And drink a few beers,
(Oh, ETHELL!)
ETHELL, my darling,
You know that I love you!
I'm glad we could have a
Vacation this year!
(Oh, NEET-O!)
Glad we could have a
Vacation this year!
They left that night, crunchin' across the Mojave Desert... their voices echoing through the canyons of your minds (POO-AAH!)
"ETHELL, wanna get a cuppa cawfee?"
(Howard Johnson's! Howard Johnson's!
Howard Johnson's! Howard Johnson's!)
"Ahhh! there's a HOWARD JOHNSONS! Wanna eat some CLAMS?"
The first noteworthy piece of real estate they destroyed was EDWARDS AIR FORCE BASE...
And TO THIS VERY DAY, 'Wing Nuts' and Data Reduction Clerks alike, speak in reverent whispers about that fateful night when TEST STAND #1 and THE ROCKET SLED ITSELF... (We have ignition!)... got LUNCHED! I said LUNCHED! (Lunched!) By a FAMOUS MOUNTAIN-IN and his SMALL, WOODEN WIFE.
"Word just in to the KTTV News Service undeniably links THIS MOUNTAIN and HIS WIFE to drug abuse and pay-offs as part of a San Joaquin Valley SMUT RING! However, we can assure parents in the Southern California area that a recent NARCOTICS CRACK-DOWN, in Torrance, Hawthorne, Lomita, Westchester, Playa Del Rey, Santa Monica, Tujunga, Sunland, San Fernando, Pacoima, Sylmar, Newhall, Canoga Park, Palmdale, Glendale, Irwindale, Rolling Hills, Granada Hills, Shadow Hills,Cheviot Hills, will provide the SECRET EVIDENCE the Palmdale Grand Jury has needed to seek a CRIMINAL INDICTMENT, and pave the way for STIFFER LEGISLATION, increased FEDERAL AID, and AVERT A CRIPPLING STRIKE of Bartenders and Veterinarians throughout the INLAND EMPIRE... "
WITHIN THE WEEK, Jerry Lewis had hosted a Telethon ("Wah wah wah, nice lady!") to raise funds for the injured (injured...) and homeless (homeless...) in Glendale, as BILLY had just levelled it, and, a few miles right outside of town, BILLY caused a 'Oh Mein Papa' in the Earth's crust, right over the SECRET UNDERGROUND DUMPS (right near the 'Jack-In-The-Box' on Glenoaks) where they keep the POOLS OF OLD POISON GAS, and OBSOLETE GERM BOMBS, just as a FREAK TORNADO cruised through...
Yes, it was about three o'clock in the afternoon when little Howard Kaplan was sitting on his porch ( "Toto... !") just playing ( "Come on, Toto... !") and having a nice time with his little accordion ("Toto... !"), and this weird wind came up ("Toto... !"), direct from Glendale ("Toto... ! Toto... !"), blowing these terrible germs in his direction ("Come here, Toto... !"), and all of this caused ("Toto... !") by a huge mountain ("Aunty Em!")!
"Somewhere over the rainbow, bluebirds fly..."
...sucking up two thirds of it (SUCK! SUCK! SUCK!) for UNTIMELY DISPERSAL over VAST STRETCHES of WATTS!!!
Now, unless I misunderstood, it was right outside of Columbus, Ohio when BILLY received his NOTICE TO REPORT for his INDUCTION PHYSICAL. Now, lemme tell ya, ETHELL said, now ETHELL, ETHELL said she wasn't gonna let him go!
"I'm not gonna let you go, BILLY!"
"THAT'S RIGHT! We now have CONFIRMED REPORTS from an INFORMED ORANGE COUNTY MINISTER, that ETHELL is still an ACTIVE COMMUNIST, and it is This Reporter's Opinion that she also practices (COVEN!) WITCH-CRAFT!"
It was about this time that the telephone rang inside of the SECRET BRIEFCASE belonging to THE ONE MORTAL MAN who might be able to stop all of this senseless destruction and save 'AMERICA HERSELF'! (And I'm sorry to disappoint some of you, it was not Chief Reddin) This one MAN was STUDEBAKER HOCH, fantastic new SUPER HERO of the CURRENT ECONOMIC SLUMP.
(Oh) Now, some folks say he looked like (he was like, he was like) ZUBIN MEHTA (Zubin Mehta); still others say (others say he), bullshit, honey (bullshit, man) he's just another greasy guy who happened to be born next to the Frozen Beef Pies at BONEY'S MARKET. (Others say he was just a, just a) Still others say, John, piss on you, Jack! (crazy Italian) He's just a crazy Italian who drove a RED CAR. You see (nobody knows for sure 'cause he was so), nobody ever really knew for sure, because STUDEBAKER was so-o-o-o-o-o mysterious (mysterious)...
HE WAS SO
(He was so, he was so!)
MYSTERIOUS!
HE WAS SO
(He was so, he was so!)
MYSTERIOUS!
'Cuz when a person gets to be
Such a HERO, folks,
And MARVELOUS BEYOND COMPUTE,
You can never REALLY TELL
About a GUY LIKE THAT
(Whether he's really a NICE PERSON
Or if he just SMILES A LOT),
(What?)
Or if he has a son named 'PINOCCHIO',
Or what?
Whether he's really a NICE PERSON or if he has a son named 'PINOCCHIO' or what?
Some men say he could FLY
Some men say he could SWIM
Others say he could SING (like NEIL SEDAKA),
And all the girls in FLUSHING
Would be AMAZED of HIM
(Two, Three!)
AMAZED of HIM!
(Amazed!)
(Amazed!)
Time passes...
January, February, March, July...
Wednesday...
August...
Irwindale...
...2:30 in the afternoon, Sunday, Monday...
Funny Cars!
Walnut!
Friday
City of Industry...
Big John Mazmanian!
So when the phone rang
In the secret briefcase,
A strong masculine hand
With a Dudley Do-Right wristwatch
And flexy bracelet
GRABBED IT
And answered
In a deep, calmly assured voice:
"So... ah... yeah, yeah, hello already... what?... Well, yeah?... Ah, are you kidding... ? You're not kidding... a mountain... ? With a tree growing off of its shoulder... ? Aw, you're fulla shit, man... ah, listen, by the way, before I go on; did you get those white albums I sent ya with the pencil on the front... ? Yeah... ? Yeah, you should move some of those for me, we're having a lot of... listen, so kiss little Jakee on the head... and, ah, how's your wife's hemorrhoids? Oh, that's too bad... Listen... so you've got a mountain, with a tree, listen, causing... oh, my! Well, let me write this down . . . sorta take a few notes here... yeah... ? To El Segundo, huh? Causing UNTOLD DESTRUCTION?... oh... God... That's terrible!... (my baby, my baby) Wanted for DRAFT EVASION? An expense account? And per diem, too?"
SOME MEN SAY HE COULD DANCE!
They said he could DANCE, and, of course, THEY were right! Ladies and Gentlemen, this is it: THE STUDEBAKER HOCH DANCING LESSON & COSMIC PRAYER FOR GUIDANCE featuring Aynsley Dunbar, hit it!
Hey! Twirly, twirly, twirly, twirly, twirly!
Fillmore, Fillmore, Fillmore, Fillmore... Hey!
RIGHT HAND FROM THE HEART-UH
LEFT HAND FROM THE HEART-UH
RIGHT HAND FROM THE HEART-UH
LEFT HAND FROM THE LEFT SHOULDER
TO THE HEART-Uh
Fillmore, Fillmore, Fillmore, Fillmore...
NOBODY can DANCE like STUDEBAKER HOCH! So many rumors have spread about STUDEBAKER HOCH! (A rumor... a rumor...) Consider this rumor (a rumor...), which was published (a rumor...) about three weeks ago in ROLLING STONE!
Oh, it's gotta be true!
STUDEBAKER HOCH can write THE LORD'S Prayer on the head of a pin!
"NO!"
Do-do-do-do-do,
Doot-doot-do DO DO DO!
Do-do-do-do-do,
Doot-doot-do DO!
Etc.
(I'm so HIP!)
BEEF PIES!
He was born next to the BEEF PIES,
Underneath JONI MITCHELL'S autographed picture,
Right beside ELLIOT ROBERTS' big Bank Book,
Next to the boat
Where CROSBY flushed away all his stash
And the cops
Got him in the boat and drove away
To THE CAN
Where Neil Young slipped another disc
FROZE-ing by the PIES!
FROZE-ing by the PIES!
FROZE-ing by the PIES!
(And that was the main influence on HIM!)
The influence of a Frozen Beef Pie!
Boldly springing into action, he phoned his wife (who ran a modeling school), WHEREUPON HE... yes, HE ran around the back of 'THE BROADWAY' at Hollywood Boulevard and Vine to see if he could find himself some big large, un-used cardboard boxes (no shit!)
After which, he hit up the RALPH'S on Sunset for some 'AUNT JEMIMA SYRUP', some 'KAISER BROILER FOIL', and a pair of blunt scissors! Hey-hey!
Yes! Yes, and in the parking lot of RALPH'S, where "no prices are lower prices than RALPH'S," in the parking lot of RALPH'S (in between a pair of customized trucks where nobody was looking), he cut out some really, really, really NICE WINGS, and he covered them thoroughly with foil!
Thorough-LY wi-TH (e-e-e-e-e) FOIL-L-L!
Then he took those 'WINGS' and wedged one under each of his powerful arms and sneaked into a telephone booth...
YES!! Yes! And then he SHUT THE FUCKING DOOR! And he pulled down his blue denim policeman type trouser pants, and he spread even amounts of AUNT JEMIMA maple syrup all over the inside of his legs!
Soon the booth was filling with flies!
(Help me, help me, help me!)
He held open the legs of his boxer shorts so they could all get in (Yes! Yeah!), and when each and every one of those little cocksuckin' flies had gone into his pants, and they were lapping up all that maple syrup, he bent over and he put his head between his legs and he said in a very clear, impressive, RON HUBBARD-type voice...
"NEW YORK!"
...and the booth and everything lifted up, out of the parking lot, and into the sky!
STUDEBAKER HOCH
YEAH, YEAH
STUDEBAKER HOCH
STU-DE-BAKER HOCH!
STUDEBAKER HOCH
YEAH, YEAH
STUDEBAKER HOCH
STU-DE-BAKER HOCH!
He's coating his legs
With AUNT JEMIMA syrup up and down!
His shorts'll be filled with flies
That will be buzzing all around!
Stoodlabaker Hoch:
He's really outa sight!
Stoodlabaker Hoch:
He does it every night!
Stoodlabaker Hoch:
He treats the flies all right
STOODLA-BAKER HOCH
That's why they never bite, hey!
(Please to New York!
Fly to New York!)
He could be a DOG
Or a FROG
Or a LESBIAN QUEEN!
(Fly to New York!)
He could be a NARK
Or a LADY MARINE!
Or he might play dirty!
He's OVER THIRTY!
(Getting old? Say! I don't know!)
His peculiar attire
And the flies he require
Keep leading him on
'Cause ETHELL is gone
They keep leading him on
'Cause ETHELL is gone
And THE MOUNTAIN she's on
And speaking of mountains, we'll join STUDEBAKER HOCH on the edge of BILLY THE MOUNTAIN's mouth. Take it away:
"Ah... ya, ya, ya, hey-ah BILLY, ah, listen... I've come to REASON with you! Our GREAT COUNTRY needs you in the Armed Forces! Your NUMBER came up... you can't go on running like this forever."
Oh! But ETHELL just shook her twigs angrily, but STUDEBAKER HOCH, calm, cool, collected, and UN-ferturbed, continued...
"Ya, well listen, you (cough cough)... listen, you COMMUNIST SON-OF-A-BITCH! You better get your ass down there for your fuckin' physical, or I'll see to it that you get used for FILL DIRT in some impending New Jersey MARSH RECLAMATION... and your girl-friend there will wind up disguised as a series of brooms, primitive ironing boards (or a DOG HOUSE)... get the (cough, cough), GET THE PICTURE?"
Yeah, well, BILLY just laughed:
"HO, HO, HO! If they think they're gonna draft ME, they're CRAZY!"
Unfortunately, because STUDEBAKER HOCH was standing on the edge of BILLY THE MOUNTAIN's mouth when the giant mountain laughed, STUDEBAKER HOCH lost his footing and fell, screaming, two hundred feet into the rubble below!
"Aaahhhhh... oh fuck, I'm gonna need a TRUSS..."
Oh, listen, that only goes to show you, and it'll show you once again that...
A Mountain is something
You don't wanna fuck with
You don't wanna fuck with
Don't fuck around
(Don't fuck around)
Don't fuck with BILLY (No!)
And don't fuck with ETHELL
(You saw what just happened
To the guy with the flies!)
DON'T FUCK AROUND!
DON'T FUCK AROUND!
DON'T FUCK AROUND!
DON'T FUCK AROUND!
DON'T FUCK AROUND!
DON'T FUCK AROUND!
DON'T FUCK AROUND!
With
Biddilly, Biddilly
Biddilly, Biddilly, Biddilly
BIDDILLY
THE
MOUNTIN-INNNNNNN!
(Eddie, are you kidding?)
Eddie, are you kidding?
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: Pipe Slingin'
My personal fave - really
My personal fave - really great on "You Can't DO That On Stage Anymore Vol 1"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7nt3Ie0zGsg
"Heavenly Bank Account"
And if these words you do not heed
Your pocket book just kinda might recede
When some man comes along and claims a godly need
He will clean you out right through your tweed
That's right, remember there is a big difference between
kneeling down and bending over...
He's got twenty million dollars
In his Heavenly Bank Account.. .
All from those chumps who was
Born again
Oh yeah, oh yeah
He's got seven limousines
And a private plane...
All for use of his
Special Friends
Oh yeah, oh yeah
He's got thousand-dollar suits
And a Wembley Tie...
Girls love to stroke it
While he's on the phone
Oh yeah, oh yeah
At the House of Representatives
He's a groovy guy. . .
When he Gives Thanks He is not alone. . .
He is dealin'
He is really dealin' IRS can't determine
Where The Hook is
It is easy with the Bible
To pretend that
You're in Show Biz
They won't get him
They will never get him
For the naughty stuff
That he did
It is best in cases like this
To pretend that
You are stupid
He's got Presidential Help
All along the way
He says the grace
While the lawyers chew
Oh yeah
They sure do
And the Governors agree to say: "He's a lovely man!"
He makes it easier for
Them to screw
All of you...
Yes, that's true!
'Cause he helps put
The Fear of God
In the Common Man
Snatchin' up money
Everywhere he can
Oh yeah Oh yeah
He's got twenty million dollars
In his Heavenly Bank Account
You ain't got nothin', people
You ain't got nothin', people
You ain't got nothin', people
Thank the man.. .oh yeah
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: Deadly
What is your conceptual
What is your conceptual continuity?
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: Deadly
I have been a longtime fan of
I have been a longtime fan of Billy The Mountain. A regular picturesque postcardy mountain.
Also, Teenage Wind lyrics would work well here.
I'm not finding a way to copy and paste using this new tablet. Any help?
...no one to take me to the Grateful Dead concert. Rats!
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: Lance minimum goad Newberry
Good grief, that "song" is as
Good grief, that "song" is as interminable written as it is played.
Shut up & play your guitar.
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: nebulous nelly
"Teen-Age Wind"
"Teen-Age Wind"
It's a miserable Friday night;
I'm so lonely
And nobody'll give me a ride
To the Grateful Dead concert... Oh rats!
I got to be free
Free as the wind
Free is the way I got to be
Maybe I'm lost
Maybe I sinned
I got to be
Totally free
Our parents don't love us
Our teachers they say
Things that are boring
So we're running away
And we will be free
And people will see
That when we are free
That's the way we should be
Nothing left to do but get out the 'ol glue (Sniff it good now. ..)
Our parents don't love us
Our teachers they say
Things that are boring
So we're running away
And we will be free
And people will see
That when we are free
That's the way we should be
(WE MUST BE FREE!)
The glue! The glue! I can't find the glue!
(WE MUST BE FREE AS THE WIND)
If I was at the concert now, I'd be RIPPED!
(WE WERE FREE WHEN WE WERE BORN!)
I could tighten my headband for an extra rush
During Jerry's guitar solo
Then I could go to a midnite show of 200 MOTELS!
(WE WERE BORN FREE, BUT, NOW WE ARE NOT FREE ANYMORE!)
"Opal, you hot little bitch!"
"You can take this pin n' hang it in yer ass!"
"You ain't the devil!"
"Where's my waitress?"
BUT WE WANNA BE FREE
AN'WERE GONNA BE FREE
YES, WE WANT TO BE FREE
AND WE'RE GONNA BE FREE ...did you know that
FREE IS WHEN YOU DON'T HAVE TO PAY FOR NOTHING OR DO NOTHING
WE WANT TO BE FREE FREE AS THE WIND
FREE IS WHEN YOU DON'T HAVE TO PAY FOR NOTHING OR DO NOTHING
WE WANT TO BE FREE FREE AS THE WIND
FREE IS WHEN YOU DON'T HAVE TO PAY FOR NOTHING OR DO NOTHING
WE WANT TO BE FREE FREE AS THE WIND
FREE IS WHEN YOU DON'T HAVE TO PAY FOR NOTHING OR DO NOTHING
WE WANT TO BE FREE FREE AS THE WIND
And...
"Oh No"
Oh no
I don't believe it
You say that you think you know
The meaning of love
You say love is all we need
You say
With your love you can change
All of the fools
All of the hate
I think you're probably
Out to lunch
Oh no
I don't believe it
You say that you think you know
The meaning of love
Do you really think it can be told?
You say that you really know
I think
You should check it again
How can you say
What you believe
Will be the key to a
World of love?
All your love -
Will it save me?
All your love -
Will it save the world
From what we can't understand
Oh no
I don't believe it
And in your dreams
You can see yourself
As a prophet saving the world
The words from your lips
I just can't believe you are such
A fool
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: Deadly
Thanks Tlach!
Thanks Tlach!
I saw Frank twice before my first GD show. Only 4 times total, though.
Glad to see Dweezil carrying on the family name, even if he is legally not allowed to use it.