"Middle Seat Rage": what would you have done?

I'd make sure to move with them, so they can't see one another, while humming loudly to non-existent tunes.

I usually fly Jet Blue so I wouldn't notice with headphones and tv. 

don't fly United and don't be an Orange dick

airlines are barbaric

LOL

what Nancy said

just join in the convo, add pics of your neighbors kids, and a good smatttering of politico jibberish...

You could always start muttering loudly in what sounds like Arabic.

I'm on a Jet Blue flight as i type this. everyone seems to be to entranced by the tv or free wifi to bother conversing with one another.. myself included :)

Just rip one.

I would just start farting.

woulda sat in the shitter for the whole flight

I can't sit in the middle seat anyway

Lasson and 11 12 13 are on the same page.

>>>You could always start muttering loudly in what sounds like Arabic.

Probably get your ass kicked by an air marshal.

My daughter is about to be on a 14+ hour flight - hope no assholes like that are on her flight.

Wait until the plane is in the air then start making loud retching noises. Apologize profusely then suggest it might be a good idea to trade for the aisle seat. Because you would hate to puke all over someone. I imagine someone would switch. 

What kind of assholes wouldn't switch or shut up after you had a stranger sit between you?  I imagine they chose their seats ahead of time so the airline may not be able to switch him, but they can certainly act civilized.

>>>>>just join in the convo

This.

Offer unasked-for advice, tell each what the other really meant, etc.

I meant Ned and 11 12 13.

I say give the angry dude a few whiskies and pain meds and keep the plane on course.  That whole scenario affected so many people.

I basically live in the middle seat when we fly, as either kid sits at the window seat.  Usually no problems with the cross-conversation, though.

i would have never booked myself to be in the middle

White Americans are passive aggressive pussies.

Just now seeing this.  Last year I had a flight into SFO and I sat in between an asshole couple like that - I wonder if it was the same fucking couple. Mercifully, my flight was only 2 or 3 hours.  The husband was a big guy and got the aisle seat, the wife got the window seat and had a big pile of blankets and bags and shit spilling over into my seat. Eventually they started passing food back and forth to each other - across me, at times while I was trying to read. Yeah, that was one of the worst flying experiences ever.  They were from Danville or Blackhawk or one of those places - they told me.

I bet they picked their seats hoping no one would sit between them so they could have the extra space or hope that the middle person would be moved. Looks like they got their way. Fat fucks that don't give a shit about others, wouldn't you be ashamed of yourself? Passing food in between them??? I would have taken a bite out of every piece that was passed in front of me! Or held up a magazine or tray to block them from seeing each other, then let them complain and be moved. Bastards!

Your fault for coming up with a middle seat....you get what you get.
Proper Planning Prevents Poor Placement (PPPPP)

The moral of the story is if you end up in a middle seat you fucked up. 

However, if you DO end up in the middle seat, you definitely get custody of both arm rests. 

Farting intentionally as retaliation is just as lame as the passing food. Easily floats a row or two each way and stinks out innocent neighbors.

Collateral damage is sometimes unavoidable yet necessary..

> Your fault for coming up with a middle seat....you get what you get.

Yeah, sorry. I am the lame one...totally my fault, dude.

I think this was around the holidays and that was maybe the only seat available - at least at the cheaper price bracket. I avoid middle seats if at all possible, but sometimes there is no way around it. However, I never ever expected to be between two inconsiderate assholes like that. I have had middle seats before, don't like them, but usually no big deal.

They knew I was getting pissed (because you know, I am the passive aggressive white guy...) and then they tried chatting with me.  That's when I found out they lived in one of the elite East Bay neighborhoods. They were gross human beings.

>> I am the lame one...totally my fault, dude.

Your fault? Yes.

Lame? Only for expecting a different outcome.

I employ middle-seat revenge by getting up frequently to use the toilet.  I seem to do this more often as I age.  Still, nobody has ever offered to switch seats with me.

Thanks, Ned. You and I have different expectations. I expect to be somewhat inconvenienced and uncomfortable in a middle seat, yes, I get that. I do not expect to have two gross assholes talking across me and passing shit back and forth.

Roland, did you ask to switch seats with one of them?

I expect a middle seat between strangers to be hell above earth.

The "standing seat" solution

http://www.cnn.com/2014/07/10/travel/standing-cabin-plane-study/

It's usually uncomfortable, but tolerable, Ned. And, no, I did not ask to switch seats. I know, I know - my fault. I'm sure they would have been more than happy to oblige.

Anyway, I hadn't seen this thread, or read the story. Really does make me wonder if it was the same asshole couple since the destination was SFO.

>>>middle seat between strangers to be hell above earth.

Modern air travel sure beats the hell out of traveling three months from New York to San Francisco by boat or even longer by covered wagon like they used to do.  In the grand scheme of things, listening to people blabber for a few hours is a small price to pay to be able to transport oneself across continents in the course of a single day.   Wonder what these folks would have thought about all the bitching and moaning regarding the annoyances of modern airline travel:

  That being said, I just booked an el cheapo flight to London and have no idea where I will be seated.  Will have to report back on the horrors of long international flights.

Nice slave ship analogy Ken.  You're the same guy who fly's a confederate flag  or some shit right? 

Roland, did you have sweatpants on during this flight. If so at least you were comfortable.

Aside from farting, if you had stinky feet(not naming any names) you could have propped up your stinky feet and farted.

Pretty sure I had shorts on this flight, Fog.  I had showered that day and do not recall being particularly flatulent, so I had nothing special to share with my delightful neighbors. Just bad planning on my part all the way around.

Shorts are the only way to go on a flight. Recently attended a show with a group of my friends and i wore khaki slacks because it was cold, they said it was the only time they ever saw me in long pants, well that and a friends wedding.. Yea if the flight is full you are pretty much stuck. I think airlines intentionally delay flights to avoid under booked flights.

Join in on their conversations. That would be fun. And annoying as hell to them.

...

>>>I think airlines intentionally delay flights to avoid under booked flights.

Are you saying that airlines will leave a partially full plane at the gate, deliberately causing a delay in that flight and potentially its remaining flights that day, hoping to get some last-second, walk-up customers?

Airlines simply cancel flights if they are under-booked.

My middle seat rage starts the moment a strangers arm hair grazes my arm.   Sends me right over the edge.

When the aisle person and the window person slowly edge their elbows onto both middle seat armrests.

Imagine sitting in a middle seat between creekhead and DD.  Fun times. 

I just booked a middle seat. Both the aisle and window were an up charge and I'm guessing that if someone is going to pay for a window or aisle seat they'll select a row where the middle seat isn't occupied. Flight isn't very full. of course I'll keep checking and will change my seat before the flight if necessary.

Imagine sitting in a middle seat between Robert and Linda. Ew.

I never take middle seats!

coming back from Thailand via China

we had the isle and window seats

a Chinese girl had the middle and her MIL had the middle seat in front of us

for about an hour she was leaning in front of me to talk around the seat back to her MIL

she didn't speak English or read social cues that is was irritating and rude

had to ask crew to ask her to chill out 

planes are glorified Greyhounds in the sky

Good god, Portland Ken!

> planes are glorified Greyhounds in the sky

Fuckin' totally.

I only fly in a full tuxedo with a cumberbund. I'm greeted as a dignitary and given VIP treatment, free drinks, and access to the cockpit; where I've been invited to co-pilot many a flight, despite the fact that I'm totally unqualified to do so.

You people wonder why you're so often mistreated on flights? 

I once wore this on a flight and they treated me like shit. It must have been the camo Crocs that they took offense to.

Talk to one,

freeze the other out,

till they ask to switch seats,

If not

pass gas occasionally 

and blame it on the frozen one.

You can't jump a big jet plane,
Like you can an old freight train

Drop a xanax in their diet coke?  They should give everyone a Valium as they board.

In the not so distant future they'll just spray everyone with some hypnotic catatonic dose and load 'em in like cordwood.

Remember a few years back when a flight attendant put some Xanax in some juice for a crying baby? I think it was on a flight from Amsterdam. They ended up busting the dude for smuggling a bunch of X.