Reflection on Aging
Full Name:
The Lonely Questioner
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This past weekend I saw Moe for the first time since July 1997 at Deercreek, when they opened up Further Festival. Well, I set up my tent and listened while doing so. I'm not a Moe fan. I respect they play instruments, but they are a jam band, and honestly, I'm not a jam band fan. But as I walked closer to the stage, I noticed something: dude, these guys got old. Then I realized that some of the folks I've been seeing at every Dark Star Jubilee since 2012 really started aging themselves. Then I remembered, I am aging also.
I then started thinking about all the changes happening around us currently, and frankly, has been happening. If you think about it, for most of the world, life and changes occuring in folk's lifetimes and between generations moved as slow as glaciers prior to electricity being invented.
But in the West, since the invention of electricity, especially since WWII, the changes happening in an adults life, let alone their kids adult life, and so on and so forth, happened in a breathtaking fast manner. The change is hard to quantify. The computer I have in my palm is light years away from the desktop I had in 1997, when I graduated high school, or 1999, when I'd dabble on the Philzone site for tour information.
It definitely explains the fracturing of the post WWII norms and institutions and political madness.It also explains this scene I witnessed the other day:
A father in law, retired, from a rural county and state, visited his adult child, their spouse, and family, hundreds of miles away, in an urban/suburban area. He was nervous the whole time. They don't keep the news on, or tv. He was getting stir crazy so he resorted to what has always saved him: finding broken things outside and inside to distract himself with by 'piddlin' and 'fixin'. But a few days of doing this and got himself all in a tizzy.
He got himself all flustered thinking about how different all this was. He used to have to go to work at a mill every day. His adult children & spouse worked from home on their computers. "What do you guys do all day" he said outloud. They tried explaining their work, but the details made his head hurt and struggled to listen and understand.
Finding mistakes around the house started to get to him. The yard was mowed, but there was no clean designs in the grass, just some errant weeds around the fence (DON"T THESE PEOPLE USE A WEEDEATER??). The garage wasn't sterile clean, and there definitely wasn't a car being fixed in there. The trees had a few limbs that stood out (A GOOD MAN WOULDA CUT THAT DOWN A LONG TIME AGO, he thought to himself)
Finally, on the last night of his stay, Father in Law lost his mind. Out of his mouth finally came all the angst, pent up anger, hostilities he'd ever thought about the husband and man in his adult child's family, and it just erupted out of his mouth.
"WHAT DO YOU DO ALL DAY, HOW DARE YOU NEGLECT YOUR FAMILY"
As immediately as it happened, all the color left his face, all the wind stopped. The family all looked at him, convinced he had lost his mind. "Does he have alzheimers symptoms?" they asked themselves later as they debriefed this entire weird episode.
The reality is, this man grew up in the post war era of the rural south and was told that to be a good man, you go to work at a local paper mill, and you do that until you retire. He was told, to be a good father and husband, that's your basic task. Bring home some money, buy a house and a car, and go to work, and when you were at home, you constantly must be fixing things and making everything "Appear" perfect.
You don't need to worry about your emotional relationships with your spouse or kids or friends, or hobbies (hobbies can be ok as long as they produce something to show for your efforts)
He didn't even know that you were allowed to have fun. He didn't know that instead of mowing perfect grass, he could make a delicious meal, or go to a concert, or sit in his backyard enjoying his dog or his adult children.
His world was so completely different, and closed off from other worlds, that in the year 2025, especially with the news broadcasting from 1,000 devices and stations and opionions: he started to lose it. It was all too much.
Thankfully his adult children and their spouses have a sense that this volatile change factor is really messing with people, and unless folks are prepared, folks who don't handle change well are going to flip their lids en masse.
Let's be merciful to the aging, for we are aging, and guess what, my teenagers already think I am old and far from hip. Little do they know I reserve the right to flip out on them in 25 years
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Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: fishcane
I struggle fairly regularly
I struggle fairly regularly with my mortality and the ongoing loss of everything and everyone around me. I thought it would get easier but it's only gotten harder.
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: The Lonely Questioner
I'm 46. Maybe for some its
I'm 46. Maybe for some its too young, but I struggle with this more than I ever did. I don't mind getting older, but who knew how quickly your mind, body, and everything around you can change so quickly. It's quite humbling
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: Mice elf
I am 45. The first time I
I am 45. The first time I ever got an email address, a friend who also had one "forwarded" this to me. It was the first email I ever got. I was about 18. It was an important time in my life to receive this perspective. I printed it out because it hit me so hard, and I probably didn't even know how to save it (on the computer) yet. It's been a something of a guidepost in my life, and I am thankful for it.
>>>An American investment banker was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellowfin tuna. The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them.
The Mexican replied, “only a little while.
The American then asked why didn’t he stay out longer and catch more fish?
The Mexican said he had enough to support his family’s immediate needs.
The American then asked, “but what do you do with the rest of your time?”
The Mexican fisherman said, “I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siestas with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine, and play guitar with my amigos. I have a full and busy life.”
The American scoffed, “I am a Harvard MBA and could help you. You should spend more time fishing and with the proceeds, buy a bigger boat. With the proceeds from the bigger boat, you could buy several boats, eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the processor, eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the product, processing, and distribution. You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then LA and eventually New York City, where you will run your expanding enterprise.”
The Mexican fisherman asked, “But, how long will this all take?”
To which the American replied, “15 – 20 years.”
“But what then?” Asked the Mexican.
The American laughed and said, “That’s the best part. When the time is right you would announce an IPO and sell your company stock to the public and become very rich, you would make millions!”
“Millions – then what?”
The American said, “Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take siestas with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your amigos.” <<<
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: The Lonely Questioner
Yeah, that's a classic.
Yeah, that's a classic.
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: intentionally blank
I'm 64, and one of the things
I'm 64, and one of the things I've come to see is that the rapidly changing ways of the world has an upside: I don't feel as attached to the world as I once did, and I mean that in the Buddhist sense of attachment. I used to struggle with my mortality, and still do and always will in some ways, but the estrangement I feel from the larger world helps me think sometimes that leaving this place might not be so bad.
I also like to think Robert Hunter might've come to a similar conclusion: Summer flies and August dies / and the world grows dark and mean.
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: The Lonely Questioner
Yeah, actually, I understand
Yeah, actually, I understand that feeling, though as a Lutheran and not as a Budhhist, but, also, I really like living, and I like living healthy and happy, as long as possible
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: intentionally blank
Enjoy your health while you
Enjoy your health while you have it. I never really had any major health problems until I hit 60, and then all of a sudden I was diagnosed with high-blood pressure, thyroiditis, a bulging disc in my neck, rheumatoid arthritis, and was edging into high-cholesterol and pre-diabetes. And one of the completely unexpected effects of all this is it's changed my identity in some fundamental ways. My health problems have become a huge part of who I am anymore, and I never saw that coming.
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: Jay Sunshine
Bss shared this:
Bss shared this:
^^^The Mexican fisherman said, “I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siestas with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine, and play guitar with my amigos. I have a full and busy life.”^^
55 here, this is such a beautiful statement and sentiment above. I don't worry about my mortality really at all, especially the way the United States of America is today where a little over 1/2 the people said YES with a vote for to me one of the worst Americans ever. I am obviously not a psychologist but I know in my soul that Trump is a fucking miserable human being with his endless thirst for power and attention and $$. In fact i would offer that ANYONE with those intentions is severely lacking compassion inside and the 'buy this to be a better person, feel happier' is such a crock of shit being sold. Happiness does really come from within'
It angers me daily but makes me cherish all the years prior where common sense and reality prevailed. I've pretty much lost all hope for others now and spend the majority of my time focusing on my plants and animals. This story means so much to me as I fully reconcile with the mexican fisherman and detest the needless hunger for money and profit.
I find my reality now in the universe and nature and am fully secure with that. Thank you all for your inputs here they meant a lot to me even if i don't know any of you.
thanks for letting me share. i would say we as people all need to find our "truths" so i'm doing my best to find and follow mine, til the end of my life.
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: Strangha
Since I've retired, I'm
Since I've retired, I'm enjoying the hell out of reading. About 2 books a month.
On Monday I finished a book ABOUT Wallace Stegner, not BY him. It's titled "Wallace Stegner's Unsettled Country: Ruin, Realism, and Possibility in the American West."
A bunch of writers writing about his works and his effect on the West and the genre of "Western writers." In there was a quote in an essay by Michael A. Brown that came to mind reading this thread.
"Recognition that Epicurius was right, morally: nothing is enough for those who think enough is too little."
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: MarkD
I'm 71. You guys got a long
I'm 71. You guys got a long way to go.
I try not to think about dieing(sp?). I try to focus on what I need to do. Most days I am productive. I have to be. Just me and my dog, I don't rely on anyone else. What I need done, I need to do myself (although I do employ younger folks to help out with my yard etc). But I try to keep active. I work in my garden most every day.
One thing is that 10 yrs ago, I was catching maybe 3 shows a week. Now I am concerned that I have 5 shows coming up in the next month.
Losing friends, relatives, and other folks important to me is huge and only gets worse.
Been here since 2004. Come here every single day to checkin. It helps.
Thanks everyone.
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: Alan R
Lager, just wait til the
Lager, just wait til the highlight of the morning is taking a good crap.
A notable aging milestone.
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: dimethyllovebeam
^So true. Fiber is your
^So true. Fiber is a friend, Alan.
I'd rather be dead than sing 'Satisfaction' when I'm 45."
--- Mick Jagger
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: donster
This thread comes at an
This thread comes at an interesting time for this 66 y/o. Yesterday, my bandmate from college found me and dropped a video from 1979 - spot on Nash high harmonies on a tight Judy Blue Eyes.
Walking like an older man and prefer stairs with railings, but I am otherwise looking forward at each sunrise. Gonna be a great summer ...
Graham is playing in a few weeks with a good band - Otiel, Headband and Rick Goose-guy.... but I think that I might just cry. That hole in my music and life that was Phil is hard to phill. There's that....
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: treat island
I'm 76. Physical and
I'm 76. Physical and emotional traumas have made me feel old some days, some days older, some days less so.
I'm happy to be alive but my body has certainly caused me to know that I only want to plan for a life that has quality. My primary doc is board certified in Family Practice and also in Hospice and Palliative Care. I first met him in his role as Greg's Hospice doc in 2014-15. He knows his stuff and he's totally respectful. He listens. Before I joined his practice in 2019 I had to know if he would help me end my life when I knew it was time (we are a right-to-die state). He said yes; I'm not there yet.
As I age I feel pretty vulnerable. The last year has made that worse. My spine is in very bad shape. That caused nerve problems last June that made it so I couldn't stay upright. It took months to be able to walk with security and I was unable to change levels (like stairs). Zoner Moses helped by building some new structures that meant I can go in and out pretty readily. I've been doing P.T. since August and have most of my strength and balance back. I haven't fallen in months. So relieved about that. I finally had a consult with a neurosurgeon in January. He said he could help me by fusing 3 vertebrae but that he thought I shouldn't do it. I agreed. So, the P.T. I'm doing is keeping me going. This stuff, as well pain from arthritis, lymphedema that followed breast cancer surgery, and who knows what else, keep me from comfortably going into crowds, long travel, or other things I would have easily done years ago.
Adding to the physical stuff from last year, I took a medication, Lyrica (Pregabalin), for the nerve pain. Side-effects caused me to lose the ability to deal with the abstract, which I noticed first and was connected to the loss of executive function - that lasted almost 4 months.
I'm mentally pretty much back to my old self, which I'm happy about. I'm curious again, something I'd lost after Greg died, and becoming creative after a long hiatus. But I'm still feeling old.
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: (~)};)StealYourFace
your phone is your ticket to
your phone is your ticket to enter the venue...
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: Axilla Hirsute
I love this thread and so
I love this thread and so many of you in it
In a quarter century of this place we're all that much older. Obvious, yet: freaky.
This year is my 58th and so much of it is brand new and unknown.
Healthwise for me there's no choice but to be as fit and eat as well as possible because no health insurance means i can't afford to be ill.
After losing these 2 front teeth a week ago it's mortifying to know my oral health is so poor after working so hard to keep my mouth healthy.
Otherwise I'm very grateful for the health I've got, and the youth i still feel within me.
Death will come when she's ready to take me. If i happen to reach some of y'all's ages and we're still here; I'll letcha know how it's going.
All that said, nj is a die at will state I've got the paperwork for dnr and just need it notarized.
As far as music and travel, I've got a pretty solid plan to drive to Red rocks for panic next month and I'm 50/50 between excitement and terror. Lol>>sigh
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: treat island
Another thing about aging
Another thing about aging that I never thought of was about saving money for old age or retirement when I was young. Remember, I'm an old hippie who never had much money and didn't really think about it. When I was about 50 my employer offered to match 3% of my earnings if I would put that and my share of that plus anything else I could in to a SIMPLE IRA. I did it and ended up with enough money that I get a small amount every month, not very much, but it's something in addition to my small amount of Social Security. What I'm saying is my aging would be easier and I'd feel less vulnerable if I had thought of it earlier.
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: fishcane
I'd be pretty pumped for a
I'd be pretty pumped for a Red Rocks WSMFP road trip! Enjoy!
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: Axilla Hirsute
i love that you have that,
i love that you have that, Judit
have never saved and have no plan
#shrug
& we shall see re: roadtrip
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: MikePA
at 59 now and being in my biz
At 59 now and being in my biz for 40 years now, i tell all the 25-40 yr olds that i work with that they are ' in their NOW, ' and they are actually living the ' good times ' right now and not to let those moments go by but to embrace and enjoy them, as they are fleeting at best and ya' never know when they end until you are years past them.
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: Mice elf
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=DIcSF3Ru8iA&pp=ygUib2xkIGNodW5rIG9mIGNvYWw...
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: An organ grinder’s tune
if the thunder don't get ya,
if the thunder don't get ya, the lightning will...
was having this same thought at recent DNB show. i mean, most of the crowd was 10-20 yrs older than me 18 yrs ago....they haven't stopped, well, most of 'em.
they figure out cartlidge replacment therapy yet?
be well
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: dimethyllovebeam
.
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: Joe Buck is Back
https://www.youtube.com/watch
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cU--zY1KdfE
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: Woz
they figure out cartlidge
they figure out cartlidge replacment therapy yet?
Nope, but I've had a knee replaced which really helped.
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: Axilla Hirsute
Sweet, Bss
Sweet, Bss
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: Axilla Hirsute
Sweet, Bss
Sweet, Bss
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: Philzone Refugee
"Hope I die before I get old.
"Hope I die before I get old."
Pete Townshend
"Getting old isn't for wimps."
My sister-in-law's mom, who was grappling with an inoperable brain tumor that eventually ended her life.
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: intentionally blank
Made it through another day.
Made it through another day. Here's to waking up again tomorrow morning. Cheers!
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: surjade
At 65 i think alot about all
At 65 i think alot about all of the above as well. The world has really changed since the 60's. One has to adapt to meet the new challenges of society, but we have lots of new tools to work with. Be the snake- 2025 is The Year of the Snake
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: GoneGoodbye
OUCH!!
OUCH!!
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: Def. High
Just turned 74.
Just turned 74.
Aging itself is something I think I could handle if the world weren't going to hell in a bucket. Don't know what's gonna get us first - Trump, Putin, AI, or climate change, and none of that is gonna get any better any time soon. I think we're fucked. I have been forced to accept a Buddhistic way of dealing with life, which is probably a good thing.
I try not to sink into depression, but that makes me feel guilty, as if I should be depressed and I'm getting away with something. It's been a struggle all my life dealing with my "high-functioning" autism, and I think I'm just about out of juice. My plan is to die quietly in my sleep before my disabilities or the world catch up with me. In the meantime I just try to live day to day and keep busy.
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: dimethyllovebeam
>>>It's been a struggle all
>>>It's been a struggle all my life dealing with my "high-functioning" autism,
same here, always been a struggle for social interactions, including co-workers. I still, and always will, prefer solitude to crowds.
60 this year and Ayahuasca has been a god-send. i will be with this medicine until my last breath, guaranteed. As we say in ceremony, 'It's helps to die before you die."
When Dr. Albert Hofmann was asked at his 100th birthday celebration if LSD had changed his view of death he replied, "No. I still believe that when i die, I'll go back to the same place i was before i was born." I've always liked that response. Simple, with no complications brought about by gods, demons, heroes or villains. Personally, i look forward to taking my last breath and closing my eyes for the last time. Sounds incredibly peaceful to me.
Im not afraid of being dead, I'm afraid of getting dead.
-- Woody Allen
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: Mice elf
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=qVpqrnDonto&pp=0gcJCdgAo7VqN5tD
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: intentionally blank
See here how everything
See here how everything
Lead up to this day
And it's just like any other day
That's ever been
Sun going up and then
The sun going down
Shine through my window
And my friends they come around
10/29/1977: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kuOcYP8LoDo
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: dimethyllovebeam
.
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: intentionally blank
I did that when I was 2-3
I did that when I was 2-3 years old with a car key. My mom says it sent me flying across the room. That could explain a lot, or maybe not.
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: dimethyllovebeam
^lol...I did that with a fork
^lol...I did that with a fork because my older brother dared me. It hurt.
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: intentionally blank
A fork stuck into a socket
A fork stuck into a socket plays a big part in the third season of Twin Peaks.
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: Mice elf
That's hilarious
That's hilarious
I used a folded up piece of a foil wrapper from Big Red gum
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: intentionally blank
I'm liking this turn to How I
I'm liking this turn to How I Acquired My Taste for Electricity. I thought it was just me.
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: Mice elf
Good decision making comes
Good decision making comes from years of experience
Experience comes from years of poor decision making
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: Strangha
I'm feeling pretty good and
I'm feeling pretty good and having a pretty good time. This year is turning out pretty good so far as far as the music and activism goes.
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: krab
David Byrne....And you may
David Byrne....And you may ask yourself, "Well, how did I get here?"
To reach old age with wisdom, one had to be young & stupid with a lot of luck......
Like doing stuff in your 20's that would have taken you out in any other decade.
Garcia collapsed in July '86, mine was March '87 & I still made it to Hampton Coliseum a week later, after 3 days in the hospital, for the comeback tour. Went to all stops through Chicago sober. Same condition that killed the heart of Len Bias in May '86 from coke use. After Fall Tour '87, I figured it was time to join the workforce on a regular basis, went to Northeast shows, '89 Greek, '93 Las Vegas being the exceptions, through '95.
Picked up weight training early '89, 36 year ongoing relationship.
For the next 30, worked, focused on health, better eating/more exercise, maintain weight. No beef, chicken, or fish except the occasional holiday or bbq, have a problem with alcohol ruining my sleep the last 10 years, so that's gone. A lot of supplements the last 20 years, for better or worse. Compared to what I hear from friends who have 60 in the rear view, I'm either lucky or smart to be almost pain free, regular physicals, skin doctors visits (melanoma 6 years ago), keeping glaucoma at bay, etc....
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: Lance minimum goad Newberry
Other than the general
Interesting thread.
Other than the general decrepitude that happens to most after 60 that has affected me, the really significant thing that began a couple of years ago that really surprised me was a general loss of the default joy I've always felt at being at a show, a game, an event, being among a large crowd.
Throughout my life, if there was anything that I was convinced I would never lose, it was the deep, overwhelming love of being in a crowd, being at an event, being a PART of all that.
My life was based on that shit, but nowadays, while I can still enjoy a show or ballgame, it often seems like a drudge now.
And that has blown my mind.
Fortunately, after some real depressing times I have come to realize that it's not "the end" because I don't have the same reaction to those settings as I used to. I now believe that everything has it's place and time, that over time all things change, and that maybe it's OK that after literally thousands of events I'm at a "been there, done that" time in my life.
So while at 65-years-old I'm now (mostly) at peace with my loss of total addiction to crowds/events, I find myself wondering, "OK, I get bored easily at shows now, I'm not instantly EXCITED to be in a crowd now, so fine, I HAVE been to thousands of these and I'm actually OK with the loss of excitement. But.....
What now?"
And that's my reaction to this thread. How do we deal with the changes that come with aging? The changes that maybe we contemplated while younger but thought... NAAW!!! That will NEVER happen to ME!
Which I find ironic, because I used to always preach to my staff that given enough time, if it COULD happen, eventually it WILL happen, so let's make sure we're prepared for anything, because it might just happen today.
I guess now I get to tell myself "I told you so!", because I'm still working out being prepared for this new reality.
But then, maybe it's the working it out that matters most.
On we go!
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: Lance minimum goad Newberry
Oh, and by the way.......
Oh, and by the way.......
GO TO THE FUCKIN' SHOW!!!!!!
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: he who was Crabneesh
As I have aged I realize my
As I have aged I realize my doctors get together regularly ask one another "How was your business week?
When there is a shortage of $ they all have me on speed-dial.
They call me in & I fill the coffers.
My drug store does the same thing,
Top of Page Bottom of Page PermalinkFull Name: surjade
"Ah yes, the "End of FOMO"
"Ah yes, the "End of FOMO" stage: kind of liberating.
Be careful of the "Fuck it all" stage. That one can get rough...
May lead to weight gain, alcohol and drug issues, and general depression.