When you lose a parent.

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It definitely has to be one of the most sad and stressful things.  My mom, Lila, was incredible in so many ways.  We had hoped coming up to Chicago there would be some sort of treatment possible and we found a good doctor.  While she was able to spend time with some loved ones, eat some food she liked, and go out on trips through the country.  Cancer was a bitch in every way.  I really don't even know why I'm sharing there has been a huge out-poring of love for my mom from her family, friends, co-workers, the list doesn't end.  She lived a good life- yes, somehow I think it could have been different in the end.  She worked in healthcare.  What ultimately happened she was surrounded by loved ones and a tumor had wrapped itself around her intestines they gave her a couple shots of morphine and that was it.  I'm so sad to lose her  She asked me a day or two prior if we could just up and leave the hospital, she fought.

Sorry for your loss, 4winds.

 

It never goes away but it gets better.

I'm so sorry for your loss 4winds. My mom is currently battling cancer, and after two rounds of chemo treatment, she is in such terrible shape that she might not be able to handle any more.  :(

This physical life is not the end, i truly believe. We are spiritual beings having a human experience, and it sounds like you mom had quite a number of amazing experiences in her life.

Peace and wholeness to your family in this difficult time.

Sorry for the loss of your mom. I know that has to be hard. 

sorry 4...hang in there sister.

my gal is heading up to her mom's today....mastectomy scheduled for thurs.

 

Sorry for your lose 4 Winds

Thanks, y'all.  Very much appreciated to feel the love.

Also, my mom ate heathy and didn't party or smoke tobacco (maybe pot a few times) so it really did come as a surprise.  You just never know- she was 69.

She did have expert levels of confiscating drugs from me and the siblings, lol.

I know we've never agreed on much, but having lost both of my parents, I send you warm regards and condolences on your loss. 

>>>You just never know

Enjoy every sandwich.

Thank you and peace, Zeke. 

I don't want to hijack 4 winds, but yesterday was 48 years since my dad died, 2 weeks shy of my 19th birthday (nice present huh?) i still think of him but only the good stuff ww2 vet who finally turned the corner on nam just before he passed

Ten years on and I still tear up thinking about my dad.

Love and peace to you, 4winds

DDHNM

hug ‘em while ya got ‘em

ll1.jpg

 

I feel your pain Elvis, trying to understand your hurt that may years later....

>>Ten years on and I still tear up thinking about my dad

 

Much appreciated, thanks for your message.

Not sure what DDHMN means but truly have an open ear.

4 what I was trying to convey as poorly as I did, was that years from now , no matter what the relationship was, the shits fades away and the great memories remain

Watching a parent confront their mortality, which involves us confronting our own, is always a tough thing.

Sorry for your pain and loss.

Losing her mom was the most difficult time of my wife's life, and even though it's been almost 8 years, there are tough moments for her still to this day.

So I feel for ya, 4Winds.  Hang in there.

I am hoping the fondest memories of your Mom to you, 4winds.

She was beautiful.

Your mom must have been one heck of a special lady to have raised such a wonderful 4winds. I can tell you've made her so proud by living her lifelong loving legacy.  

Heal fast family's

RIP Mom

 

(((Death Don’t Have No Mercy)))

{{{{{LOVE}}}}}

Ms. 4winds - You’re a strong woman with a heart of gold...

Thanks for having the courage to show us all a glimpse of Lila’s loving exit...

Speaks volumes of who you are as a person.

I only hope I’m half as strong as you’ve been with the ones closest to me.

 

I'm so sorry, 4winds. Your mom sounds like she was down right amazing. You're in my heart, sister. I wish I could say it gets easier but after losing my dad, I realized you just get used to living a new normal (approaching the 18 year anniversary of his death and I still sob like a baby when I think or talk about him). I'm so glad you both were able to get some quality, fun times together. Sending much love <3

Peace to you during a difficult time.

heart

second time I hijack, Scarlet, how are the boys? back in school yet? mine leaves for college Monday. I miss the mama's and papa's thread on the old zone

So sorry for your loss 4Winds.  Two of the hardest things in life are losing your folks.  Both mine are gone. Major empty space. Hang in there, it's all we can do.

It hurts to hear of you losing your mom when she was still so young.  I'm taking a good friend to the Stones tomorrow night who just lost their dad at age 73.  My dad is 91 and my mom is 87, and after my dad proclaiming that he was through with travelling, they are flying out here for a two week visit next week.  It's hard to picture a world without them in it.  I can't imagine what you're experiencing.  All the best.

Peace and prayers for you and your Family 4winds

4Winds,

I am so deeply sorry for your loss. I can only imagine how much your heart is breaking right now. All you can do is just hang on the best you can and take solace in knowing you and r she had a loving mother/daughter relationship.

My father was killed in a car crash just about 22 years ago, and I honestly miss him so much the older I get. Maybe that's because I realize my life is probably 3/4 done.With that, I really long for some old man wisdom in my life, and there are no men left in my family to fill that role. What do I miss? I miss the smell of his early morning cigarette smoke, playing frisbee and baseball catch with him, his Italian cooking, his view on so many topics, listening to Garcia/Grisman together,and I miss our Dunes beach hikes. 

So, does it get easier? Yeah, it definitely will. And like all of us on this thread who have been through it, you'll have good days and bad. My advice is to keep busy, talk to a therapist to deal with the adverse affects of trauma, do what makes you happy, and keep that fighting spirit I know she passed on to you.

All my love to you.

^^ that's some quality zoning from a quality zoner

4winds, the sadness... it's painful and palpable. Love to you.

 

I'm dealing with thick layers of grief, so sad. I have thoughts and questions, would like to hear from others how it is for them, etc. I'll start another thread because I love that this one is about your beautiful Lila. I love how you love her.

 

I'm sorry to hear this news, I knew you went up north for Moms health but did not know she was so bad off. At least you were with her and spent some final good times together, she appreciated that. The picture of her I like  she is a very beautiful woman.

My Mom had cancer 3 times and battled the first two but on the third time she looked into my eyes and told me she didn't have it in her anymore. I didn't even question her I saw it in her soul. She hung out about another 10 months and passed on to a painless garden of eden somewhere where cats and dogs lay in the sun and the people just enjoy their days. That is what I believe in. She told me she would save me a spot near her. That was in July 2005.

The pain is tough but I think I would rather bury Mom than her to me.

I always wish I asked her a couple of more questions but I will one day.

Stay strong 4 winds the days will get easier but you will always remember.....May the four winds blow her safely home.

Love ya

EB - we had a tremendous relationship, not only me but the attention to detail on the four of us.  Style and grace.

The fact that you lost your father is unimaginable.

4winds, losing a parent/loved one is one of the most difficult things I've ever experienced and I feel for you and your family.   Cancer took one of mine down and has tried twice on the other.   It's a nasty beast.  I know it's been a long struggle for you and your family and I'm sorry you've had to endure the pain.  

Time heals.   I wish you all the strength as you move forward and take the opportunity (if possible) to reconnect, tell stories, remember and celebrate your mom's life and everything you loved about her.    

 

Sorry for your loss, 4 winds. It's hard to lose a parent. Love and heart strength to you.

Lost my mom in 2015, my dad in 2017, and today would have been their 73rd anniversary.

Mom and Dad Wedding.JPG

Mom and Dad Dancing 2 10-4-14.JPG

Viva la Zone!

Threads like this... heart

I second that emotion.

I'm so sorry for your loss Miss Sarah.  My heart aches for you.  It really does.   I hope you find some comfort knowing you did everything you could to comfort her since she became sick.  It sounds like you two were amazingly close.  That is something you can hold onto.  I know it doesn't make it any easier but some people don't have that kind of bond..  Keep being the awesome loving person you are and make Mom proud.  Much love to you sister.  And FUCK CANCER!

(((Sarah and family)))

4 Winds, I'm so sorry. I've lost a parent, I know the pain of grief. I pray the pain subsides but the memories only grow bolder.

Thanks, gang.

Seriously, mom's job on a day to day basis was managing crises in a healthcare setting.  What really bothers me is that the cancer was fast and furious - could there have been a different approach?    First two rounds of chemo nearly killed her but we looked at alternatives and in the end....

In addition, I’ve accepted what happened but not totally at peace with it.

Hey 4winds,

 

I've been thinking of you a lot, despite not posting here.

 

I think it's because I've been thinking of my Dad quite a bit over recent weeks. My son and I talked about Dad/Grandpa during our road trip and I wish that he could see how his grandson has grown, thanks to the foundation he laid when forming his relationship with my young child. 

 

I've been wearing my Dad's hiking boots and wearing some of his favorite caps.  I recently cleared trip photos off of my phone and came upon the last photo that I took of him at the hospital, days before he passed.  He actually looks pretty good in that photo, reminding how quickly and completely cancer can take loved ones away from us.

 

His birthday is this Saturday and I'll be spending some quiet time with him, even if it's ostensibly a one way exchange. 

 

I sincerely believe our parents are with us, at the very least in our genetic make up and what we've learned, experienced, and remembered of their involvement and influence in our lives. 

 

I'm so sorry for your loss and send my love your way.

D5AC573F-6A34-4127-BF13-0F21D40C2125.jpegMe the four winds blow you safely

You went on to say, ‘What punishments of God are not gifts?’ Do you really believe that?” Cooper asked.

Yes,” Colbert replied after a short pause. “It’s a gift to exist and with existence comes suffering. There’s no escaping that.”

Colbert said suffering allows people to relate to one another.

“What do you get from loss? You get awareness of other people’s loss, which allows you to connect with that other person,” he said, “which allows you to love more deeply and to understand what it’s like to be a human being if it’s true that all humans suffer.”

https://apple.news/AcQ0s3_ziTs233XbwqxB6uA

 

Edwin Max transitioning at 101 1/2 last year.      He got to die in his own bed in his own house and looking pretty damn good

I was able to bring him plants from three of the houses he used to Garden in, and make a little shrine    It was finally time to move on

His cycle on this mortal plane was nothing short of amazing

peace an long live love to all

 

 

 

 

 

Thanks, T and everyone.  My mom resided in Florida and I have a place down there but don't stay as much.

 

Honestly, thank you all for sharing your stories and it helps somehow.  What a couple weeks it's been- my mom was smart to have a plan in place if this should happen, but holy smokes we've had to go through personal items, pictures, and all that...you just want to distance yourself.  She was on her game to the end and it's fucking sad her body failed because she had a great mind.

I want to say, never been a mom.  They have a solution for everything worldly! 

Love to all the moms and dads.

Stay strong - strive for mom.

And remember, help's only a zone away

And the death certificate arrives, thanks be to whatever.......

Hope you're doing as well as possible today, 4W.
This is right around the corner for my family, and clench up thinking about the pain and suffering.

((( 4w & Fam )))

Thanks, Ned.  Hold on tight because it really is just painful.

Sorry for your loss, 4winds. 

I've experienced these kinds of losses and I'm the only member of my immediate family that remains.  

If you need someone to bounce ideas off of, my email is in profile. 

Take good care and remember that deep belly breaths do help when the grief embedded in your body bubbles up unexpectedly at the most inconvenient moments.

 

My mom Lila was a smokeshow!  The brains part equally impressive!

that is way too young>>what a beauty>>fuck cancer

it is good to hear you are getting so much support, and, at the end of EVERY day, this is the vibe that makes the zone what it was, is, and will continue to be

(((wagons circled)))

another Zoner recently lost his mom. was wondering if this might be his thread

((((Beloved Parents))))

It is humorous to look back at the family photo I posted.  The boys obviously combed their own hair.