The Zonies

The 2nd annual viva zonies, brought to you by Levi's, bhang, and liquid blue will b back after these messages with a very special musical performance by the legendary Jeff G

Welcome back. It's an honor and a privilege to welcome everyone to the 27th annual Zonies.

We have some exciting new categories this year that I know zoners are going to love, including:

Best Leather Vest (Fringe Category)

Most Irrelevant Band Appreciation

TXR Sourdough Champion

Let's get it started.

https://youtu.be/Vhhc8t0Qs_g

Chills, folks. Chills

Well deserved, Nanc. Congratulations!

Next up, I'd like to announce a very special award dedicated to a company doing amazing work with fleece vests.

Patagonia? Get up here. You've clothed this community for over 50 years, and you deserve a nod, goddamnit.

THANK YOU PATAGONIA

Folks I am out here in the Valley of the Gods at what was previously Bears Ears National Monument, and I have to tell you the applause for Patagonia's well-deserved Zonie is so loud we can almost hear it out here in Utah! The handful of people here with their hand-painted signs also went wild for the lifetime achievement accolade awarded Nanc -- as you know, most of these demonstrators are retirement-age white folk, and really identify with the kind online activism that Nanc has devoted so much of her time to.

Powerful stuff.

Next up, I'd like to announce the winner of the 2017 Zonie for Most Heartfelt Tribute To David Cassidy:

Cumberlyn. 

Lyn, your words in the Cassidy thread were a beautiful reminder of the love and adoration this community felt for a man many of us knew simply as "David Cassidy". 

Thank you. 

That's right Timmy. I'm sure viewers have been wondering why some members here in the audience have been wearing giant areolas taped or stapled to their shirts, and in at least one instance, even sutured directly onto their chest, and it's out of respect for the loss of a true giant. You cast a long shadow, beast, and you are missed.

#dicksoutforbeast is currently the top trending hashtag on Twitter.

how much were 30 second spots going for this year?

seems like every other commercial is for skin cream, viagra, or low T supplements....

hope our hosts got some nice goody bags....great job, ....all

Oh shit… this is the actual show…(nice curtains)...wow.. I thought this was the auditions… Sorry.. I was running late… and bad weather delayed my flight. Plus my Uber driver looked shifty so I ignored him and walked over instead… and then snuck in backstage….waltzed right in.. no one even stopped me…anyway I’m here now so I guess I’ll ask you gentlemen up there on the dais… “Hey! Hey You!”

…Ummm, I know it's frowned upon by the authorities, and could be considered in bad taste, but could I nominate myself for Best Feel-Good Husky thread, for “Help Find Homes For My Deceased Sister's Huskies”?

I realize I don’t converse much around here, and I know there has been hundredsmore / thousandsmore Husky threads posted by the Zone’s own Paul Bunyan so I probably don’t stand a chance, and the tread was seriously lacking in malice and biting sarcasm. But I’ve never won anything and it did bring out lots of ((((good vibes))) from compassionate dog lovers all over the black screen. When else do you get to use ((((?

Ok… that’s it… gotta go… I won’t prostate myself in front of such a circus… unless of course… Ahh screw it…..Anyone know where the closest bar is?  See ya at the afterparty.

Welcome back, everyone.

The Zonie for Best Feel-Good Husky Thread goes to...

Alan R!

This is a monumental upset. Well done!

Well deserved win Alan - there’s barely a dry eye in the house. That was a pretty long standing O too. 

Gang, 

I just received a communique from Anonymous alerting me that they plan on releasing over 1 page of confidential e-mails that prove who have been socks, people who have voted Republican. have never changed their strain and have posters of Bob Weir in bobby shorts mounted on the ceiling above their beds. Supposedly there are even hacked photos of VivaZoners performing sexual acts that are not only illegal in all 50 states but thought to actually be impossible to perform. 

I have a feeling that there is some lawyering up going on, even as I type this. 

fuckin a.... a Zonie.... hole-ee shit..  I, I, well...we, yes, WE did it for the dogs! Good dogs...dogs that only eat dogfood and don't run away and don't chase the neighbor's livestock...

and WE are going to partydown at the afterparty..... stick around.....I picked up up a little you-know-what to help us stay up all night. Here, come on in here...no just you... and ok, her, too...is she your sister or your date?  No worries. Try a little of this....HEY watch it..that shits from Bret's personal stash leftover from Terrance McKenna's 2012 bash at the 8 x 10. Take it easy with that.... it's early..plenty of awards still to come....alright lets' get outta here and get some Champagne and celebrate. I hear Prince. Must be the music awards. Where's my lighter? Did one of you steal my lighter?

Jeethus, wot waz in that? My whole mouf is num. and I'm really starting to sweat....noffin like hallucinating at the Zonies! Turn it up..lowl-dah!  Loudah!

$25 Applebees gift card???

Damn, the sky's the limit with their "2 for $25" menu!

I gotta' try harder next year.

Your work during the NBA Playoffs didn't go unnoticed, Lance.

I'm not saying you should start planning your trip to Applebee's now; but I'm not not saying that either.

>>>>Supposedly there are even hacked photos of VivaZoners performing sexual acts that are not only illegal in all 50 states but thought to actually be impossible to perform. 

 Well to be fair I think Negman was still on the cracks at the time, and the dog looks like he's smiling although the photo is a bit grainy. Might be a good one for the ethics committee to decide.

Hey is there a Rock Med tent around here? My "friend" accidentally dipped into the wrong bindle and needs a shot of something calming.

Isn’t there an official Zone doctor around here? I seem to remember some healer dude who prescribed sage sweat-lodges for shark bites, sunflower seeds for overdoses and acupuncture for heart attacks. Where is he? Is he here tonight? Or did we leave him back in the Phil Zone?

Hey buddy, what’s in the black bag? Gimme that [grabs bag and dumps contents out on floor]. WTF? There’s no meds in here… just a bunch of sex toys, comic books, some cassette tapes and Don Rickles’ Book of 1001 Insults For Friends and Lovers.  And a bow tie – oh, you must be a presenter. Sorry.

Man, is it me or are these Zonies are moving sloooow for an awards show… Hey, did the lights just dim?

How bout a nurse? Aren’t there a couple of hippie nurses around here? No I don't want some legal CDB. Well, maybe a little. In case of seizures.

This Zonies is clearly the year of the women. 

#zoniestoo

The Zonies now last for 20 days, Alan. Moving on. 

Next, I'd like to welcome Brian K to the stage to present the Gloria Steinem Award for Female Excellence in Zoning.

For what it's worth, it has been years but there is/was a lot to be said for Applebee's Perfect Margarita.

 >>>>>I won’t prostate myself

Aww, too bad.

Got some rubber gloves right here if you change your mind.

 When can I expect my gift certificate, boys?

Thank you!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rl_NpdAy3WY

all I want to know is who's the jortiest

This might call for Jort Joust.

gotta be Coyotte, bweir.

sounds kinky

Welcome back, everyone. Wow! Some exciting things happening this year. Next up, we'd like to introduce a new Category for the Zonies: Best Leather Vest (Fringe Category).

Long a staple of trailer parks throughout this majestic land, the leather vest symbolizes economic hardship, animal neglect,  alcoholism, and sexually transmitted diseases.

We'll be right back!

ME??????

omg first of all I’d like thank God, who is responsible for all of us being here. i’d also like to thank my friend who told me about this place and now I’d like to introduce my friend Sacheen Littlefeather, who will continue. Sacheen, go ahead.

Hello. My name is Sacheen Littlefeather. I'm Apache and I am president of the National Native American Affirmative Image Committee. I'm representing Bucky Badger this evening and he has asked me to tell you in a very long speech, which I cannot share with you presently because of time but I will be glad to share with the press afterwards, that he very regretfully cannot accept this very generous award. And the reasons for this being are the treatment of American Indians today by the jam band community – excuse me – and on television in movie reruns, and also with recent happenings at Wounded Knee. I beg at this time that I have not intruded upon this evening and that we will in the future, our hearts and our understandings will meet with love and generosity. Thank you on behalf of Bucky Badger. 

classic

Bucky, that was one of the finest Zonie acceptance speeches in history. 

Absolutely beautiful. Thank you. 

Great speech, Bucky, in a George C. Scott kind o' way.

that's how you do it folks.

nice work, BB!

Lincoln, JFK, Bucky Badger. All great orators. 

Next up, I'd like to introduce the Zonie for Best Weather Update in a Thread About Weather. This has long been a contentious and highly competitive Category.

And the Zonie goes to...

Judit "Doppler" Tornado!

Come on up here, J!

Welcome back, everyone. Wow! Some exciting things happening this year. Next up, we'd like to introduce a new Category for the Zonies: Best Leather Vest (Fringe Category).

Long a staple of trailer parks throughout this majestic land, the leather vest symbolizes economic hardship, animal neglect,  alcoholism, and sexually transmitted diseases.

 

We'll be right back!

Sorry To break it to You St. Snot,

Zonie by laws clearly state, that You can't nominate Your Mom.

Moving right along...

Oooof this is like that episode of the sopranos where everyone is having a great time at Livia’s funeral until Janice comes in and fucks it all up by making people say nice things about Livia. smh 

By laws are by laws.

Sorry

Hey guys, gals...

Forget that bickering, loosen up that tie and/or corset, and come up to the lighting booth to party. The Zonies are a once a year mandatory celebration. Like a high school reunion and office Christmas party put together, but worse. Sneak up here...no one will miss you. Oh and grab some beers on the way up. Please. Now just relax, kick back and help me entertain this gaggle of displaced Moldovian flight attendants and half-passed out Zoners. 

I just taught them to make hand-shadow projections on the rear wall of the auditorium -- they are having a blast even though they don't have the slightest clue who Phil Lesh is. 

!

Gang I apologize but I'm down with a cold today and I'm just not up for doing the amount of motorboat it takes to make Zonie magic happen. 

The Utah audience was nothing short of dumbfounded by that strange demonstration -- it brings to mind the cringe-worthy 'Soy Bomb' episode during Dylan's Grammy performance.

My understanding is that proceedings are being temporarily halted while security determines how best to handle these embarrassing, seemingly drunken outbursts.

I've been in close contact with the Zonie security team today, and I want to assure the audience that any further outburts will be dealt with in the most severe possible way; Judit will be disappointed in you.

That's right. Disappointed.

As for Lady Kanye, obviously we're dealing with some very deep rooted issues there that myself and the other members of the Zonie Committee have decided to treat as a medical issue rather than a security risk. 

Probably a wise move P-Kid.  You don't want to be around sick people during the Holidays if you can help it.

This was the Zonies crowd earlier, during the awards ceremony. Although some appear blissful, most seem a little bored, so you might want to pick up the pace a bit.

These are those hoodie / tarp folks in the front row getting riled up, as they realize the awards are on a short hiatus (in honor of all jambands), and they probably will threaten to leave repeatedly. Or worse. Not safe.

Remember though, this is a peace/love scene up here in the lighting booth... which can be pharmaceutically induced if you don't normally have those tendencies.  So grab a bag of those UTZ crab-flavored potato chips, some biodegradable rolling papers from the schwag bag, and the liter of Titos (who knew most Moldovians are gluten-free?) that I stashed under the stage and come party. 

lol...Thanks St Mark  ! 


I accept on behalf of David's memory, may he be riding the big Carousel in the sky...with all the other clowns !





;)

Lifetime Achievement Award goes to ....

Timmy Hoover !

The name says it all...tim, step up & accept your award. Your work here is amazing.

Damn. Alan R. nailed it with that old school box letter 90s font.

Mr Hoover is up in the lighting booth. He's busy playing drinking games and practicing making hand shadow projections with the flight attendants. 

One of em, I can't tell who, keeps fucking with a woman down in the audience. She's trying to nonchalantly stroll to the bar, but every few steps...she mysteriously gets swept off her feet. They are all laughing so hard I can't understand a word. I can't see her nametag from here but she looks familiar.

.

Don't worry. If things get out of hand I'll just pull the fire alarm.

 

Nancyinthesky on Tuesday, December 12, 2017 – 10:17 am

This Zonies is clearly the year of the women. 

#zoniestoo

Clearly.

>>This Zonies is clearly the year of the women. 

Can there be any doubt about that after Timmy received the lifetime achievement award?

Is the award a pair of socks?

No Six...

Due to the political climate this year, we are trying to be more inclusive.

*The 2017 Zonie Lifetime Achievement Award also includes a coveted HHC (Honorary Hen Club) Membership.

And this fine parting gift...

CONGRATULATIONS !!!!

Lol...I remember when "eating quiche" was a put down in the 80s.

Now, it just dates you.

RRG  -  are you really dating quiche? 

 Do you go dutch, or does quiche pay?

I've just received word Fo6 is outside dismembering some roadkill. We'll get him up here after he's hosed himself off.

I'd like to present the Zonie for Most Reasonable Zoner. This is a highly prized Zonie that typically has a very, very small nominee pool. This year's Zonie goes to...

Hounder!

Hounder's steady, thoughtful, well reasoned approach to zoning is a most welcome addition to Viva. Come on up here, Hounder!

We'll done, Pyramid!

Next, we'd like to present the Zonie for Best Restaurant Recommendations. This is a highly competitive Zonie that luminaries like Nedb, St. Mark, and MikeW have all won in years past. The 2017 Zonie goes to...

Daylight!

Excellent work, sir.

Spreading Zone magic is a full time job. In a world of shitty darkness, it takes a special kind of person to always be positive.

The 2017 Zonie for Most Positive Zoner goes to...

Kenny!

Get up here, KK!

Wow. Somebody pinch me.

 I gotta say, I've done absolutely nothing to deserve this award. You people must be out of your minds.  I have to give a couple of shout outs to my three dogs who keep me grounded and also to tub girl, who gave me a chance when no one else would.

You're welcome.

Beautiful (and totally reasonable) words, Hounder. Thank you.

Next up, we have the Zonie for Best Mustache. This is a well-loved Zonie that only the heartiest of zoner mustaches can wield. 

And the winner is...

Judit's mustache!

Wow! This is one of the greatest upsets in Zonie history, folks! Never before has a woman won in this category. This represents a cultural sea change that will be felt for generations to come. 

((( Jakeshair )))

Holy cow, what an absolute dark horse win for Best Mustache! As I can tell you (Best Hair, 2013), there is nothing more rewarding than being recognized for a luscious head of hair, even when that hair is on the lower chin or the upper lip. That is one well-deserved award!

Ahhh... jazzy!!

Amazing. It's like Pigpen was just in the room.

Alright. Things are really moving along today as we prepare to announce ZOTY, MOTY, and DOTY tomorrow as we conclude the 2017 Zonies.

Next up, I'd like to present The Chancellor. The Chancellor recognizes outstanding achievement in doling out political bitch slaps.

This year's winner is...

Ender!

Ender represents the kind of calm consistency that is largely missing from the indignant culture of partisan insanity that has swept the nation over the past 9 years. His steady pimp hand has been laid down on nutjobs from all corners of the political spectrum; and for that, we honor you. Get up here, Ender!

Lion Guy,

I wasn't even formally invited to this bash...all I did was steal your booze and eat your food and riffle through a couple fanny packs. But I'm still feeing a strange emptiness inside...then I realized.. You are obviously forgetting the heartfelt contributions of the fairer sex that occasionally post here and inspire the rest of us with their innate civility.... Pause now, put away your cellphones, and pay attention....they have graciously put together a little dance routine for the pleasure of Zoners everywhere:

Since you probably can't afford a lawsuit for sex discrimination, it'd be incumbent upon the powers that be to recognize the contributions of this fine, admittedly small, group of Zoners before they get cranky and demand equal representation.

Based on a general consensus, the fans of the black screen hereby award our cherished dancepartners, soulmates, wives, mistresses and personal guardians (by order of the court) the esteemed Donna Jean award for..... Not Ever Caring If The Toilet Seat Is Up or Down. Wether you are an avowed misogamist or not, let's give a big round of applause for the tolerant Ladies of LaZone!!!  

Remember, without them, we's be just be a bunch of sweaty smelly guys raggin on each other (like that other Phil Zone).

Thanks St Mark. I think we all miss the duality of Chancellor's calm and polite tone contrasting with his brutal, intellectual put downs. The zone is worse off without him.

I couldn't have done it without the zone's collective, blind belief in all things stupid. So thank you chemtrails, vaccine-autism links, blind party tribalism, healing crystals and multi-colored pictographic vibes.

Great job, Ender.

Gang, I've received word from another member of the Zonie Committee that in lieu of her $25 Applebee's gift cards, Judit will be donating her winnings to a Eugene area cat shelter. Awesome stuff.

Alright. Next up is a very special Zonie. Sports is a huge part of Zone culture, and the Sportsman of the Year Zonie is one of our most prestigious awards. I'm proud to announce the 2017 Zonie winner for Sportsman of the Year goes to...

Lance!

Get up here, man! 

Some really great acceptance speeches in here

This next Zonie is near and dear to my heart. The Zonie for Best Use of an Original Meme goes to...

Slacker!

Slacker's iconic 'Thus' meme continues to bring the laughs whenever it's employed. Come on up here, Slacker!

*sniff* dammit, I always cry at these things!

Congrats to all the winners. Threads like these really bring us all together. 

There's a lot of Zonie magic happening this year, Tracy. 

We've seen some unprecedented wins, amazing acceptance speeches, and moving musical performances this year.

Tomorrow, we will award MOTY, DOTY, and ZOTY Zonies to our very worthy 2017 nominees. Tune in; you won't want to miss the exiting conclusion of

The Zonies!

haha-this is great. well done, folks. 

<<<<Keep the speech short Lance.  We’re not afraid to play you off

i love this thread.

Wow! Alan sure picked up his game, I think he should be drug tested. Wonder what strain he is on. Them city guys sure are strange. 

i miss the up tempo of the old zonies, but i totally understand the decision to not go head to head vs the Colts Broncos game tonite.

WTF?!? I missed The Zonies! Do I have to read this entire thread to see if I won?

& now for a string of ad's for buying an expensive European sports car . . . as a Christmas present . . . 

(when did this ever become . . .  a Thing?)

>>>>>>> without the zone's collective, blind belief in all things stupid. So thank you chemtrails, vaccine-autism links, blind party tribalism, healing crystals and multi-colored pictographic vibes

Let's not forget Astrology . . . and Christianity . . . ;)

I got you Bob. Only irrational thing I believe in is the Falcon's winning a Superbowl.

It's only irrational until it actually happens, Ender.

Trust me. I know what I'm talking about with this one.

>>>>but i totally understand the decision to not go head to head vs the 3 and 10 Colts 4 and 9 Broncos game tonite.

Get help

I was rooting for Hounder but Ender is just as good for zoty. I guess.

As it happens the ZOTY is yet to be announced. A little birdie tells me there's a BIG surprise in stock for tomorrow, with an accompanying announcement!

Sorry man I just skimmed the thread. Carry on. 

go hounder!

>> It's only irrational until it actually happens, Ender.

I'll celebrate if we make the playoffs!

After a long night of negotiations with the Viva Admin Team, I regretfully inform you that Meltdown of the Year (MOTY) has been scratched from tomorrow's broadcast.

In place of the planned ceremony, we will run a YouTube clip celebrating the most beloved cartoons from the 80's.

Thank you for your understanding.

I need some busfare to get out of here before dark... anyone want to buy a Zonie?  

Thank you for letting me crash your party... you really should have better security.  The food ws so-so. Free booze ia always good. The only bad news is that I tripped over a cable yesterday and I think I knocked out the PA so I don't think anyone heard anything you said since. Oh and I want to warn one of you guys... things got crazy last night up in the lighting booth and one of the Moldovian flight attendants swears she's pregnant with some Zoner dude's baby and is going on Phil & Bobby tour to find the baby-daddy. Be forewarned.

Spreading Zone magic is a full time job. In a world of shitty darkness, it takes a special kind of person to always be positive.

The 2017 Zonie for Most Positive Zoner goes to...

Kenny!

Get up here, KK!>>>>

Funny thread.  Way to go guys.

I have a long list of people to thank but before i do i want to accept this Zonie on behalf of all the Phans who keep this music alive. 

Long live P$F's, The Q and 4 ever the Grateful Dead!

Now..... I want to thank my parents who ......

<<<After a long night of negotiations with the Viva Admin Team

this is why we cant have nice things!

Nice thread.

...next, you ll hear theyre cancelling Festivus....sshheesssh...

well, at least we get cartoons...

Some great work up in here!

>>this is why we cant have nice things!

Thus

Welcome back, everyone. Celebrating the 32nd annual Zonies with you has been an amazing honor. 

I want to take a moment to recognize each and every zoner and the contributions you make, both big and small. This community is built on a diverse collection of misfits, each adding something unique and worthwhile to the daily discussion.

Keep the Zone weird. Don't let the voices that ruffle your feathers, or the zoners you disagree with, or the people you call friends be silenced.

You built this community. We built this community. This is our home, and no single zoner gets to decide what it means. Each of us define it with our contributions; and our contributions matter.

And now, please give a warm welcome to Zone icon JeffG, performing Tom Petty's Wildflowers!

https://youtu.be/rwYZPRXuiE8

Thank you, Sen. St. Mark (I CO). Hard to disagree.

<<<Thus

Oh good. 6 is here to drag his ass on the carpet some more.

Would it hurt you to laugh at yourself a little and have fun with this?

I'm think I'm a shoe in for Conspiracyiest.

It's a new category and might not get aired though.

They prefer it be kept quiet.

Oh my!

I was agreeing with you and thought your comment was funny.

Perhaps I used thus the wrong way? 

I thought it was a funny reaction to your post.

Please accept my apology.

I am laughing at myself

Welcome back, everyone. What a beautiful rendition of that classic. 

THANK YOU JEFFG

Next, I'd like to present the Albert Hoffman Cycling Award to an accomplished and beloved zoner...

Hall!

Get up here, man!

Hold on folks… Hold on….As you know…no gathering around here ends without a Donor Rap. Don't hiss. Don't moan. I know you've heard it before and before... But don't head for the exits just yet...

Because it’s the Zonies, tonight we have a special treat for you… Straight from Marin County (relatively close to Compton if you live in China)… the rap group that started it all.. The meanest bunch of thugs in the jamband scene since the Nitrous Mafia… the five nastiest mo-fo-s since admin banned that Kirley guy and that Charles Gig fellow, and that Zippy dude, and..well, you get the idea... Ross Jame's favorite band to book that aren't his friends:

L -  W  - A …... LIVERS WITH ATTITUDE!!!

My name is “Liver Head” and fuck Hep C,

Got transplanted…thanks to Co-DEE.

You should call me “OG”, cuz I’m an Old Gallbladder,

If you don’t get a transplant, it ain’t gonna matter.

My name is “Kid Nee” and you really need me,

Ya better find my match, if ya want to pee.

I’m “I Ball” and I’d love to watch some porn wit ya,

But I can’t see a thing, cuz I need a new cornea.

My name don’t matter, just know I’m a Zoner,

So ya better sign up....to be an organ doner.

Cuz us old musicians need new lungs and hearts.

Or you'll  wake up in the bathtub missing some of your parts!

***************

Ok..Wow...Thank you L- W- A!   You rhyme like Phil Lesh sings...Come up here to take your mandatory bow.

Folks...Did I mention how these compulsory bows have gotten tedious and ridiculous. I mean, football teams don’t bow after a game…... The chefs don’t come out and bow at a restaurant… Jerry never bowed after a show (unless Parrish was holding a mirror at waist level).

And the band always looks like it’s the FIRST time they’ve ever done it.. they all stumble around wondering who to line up next to, so they don’t look too short or too fat or too dumpy… Waiting for the last moment so they can nonchalantly bud in line and position themselves next to Phil or Bobby… I mean just stop it already. We can see your bald spots….

But that's a topic for another day.... Now  let's go back to see who won some Zonies!

Sorry 6, I read it as passive aggressive wordplay but am happy to take your meaning.

Apology accepted and I offer my regrets for an itchy trigger finger.

I try to take people post by post, not letting history color what might be a productive interaction but didnt follow my own rules here.

Rock on.

AWESOME WORK!!!

Amazing. My teeth are still vibrating from the sweet sweet One Way Out jam. Great stuff.

It's now time to honor our Zoner Rookie of the Year. This is a well loved honor with many past luminaries who have gone on to do great things.

The winner of the 2017 ROTY is...

Heybrochacho!

Get up here, Heybro!

>>Sorry 6, I read it as passive aggressive wordplay but am happy to take your meaning.

Not being able to decipher tone is half of my problem here - it's not just my problem either.

>>Apology accepted and I offer my regrets for an itchy trigger finger.

No worries. Maybe we can win the  best apology & acceptance zonie with this late entry.

'chacho is a rookie? I thought he has been a longer term zoner. Congrats in any case.

Oh man, where to begin... I mean,  just being mentioned in the same breath as the immutable JeffG is possibly the greatest honor anyone could ever imagine receiving.

And my family couldn't (more like wouldn't) be here, so I share this with award with perhaps the greatest ever to do what he does (whatever the fuck that is)... the one and only Bikerfox.  Rock on Skullet bruh!

*turns wrong way, collides with presenter*

I'm sad to say we are winding down.... But we would be remiss if we didn't acknowledge our favorite "Zoners from Hell". This is another write in award. We got hundreds of entries. However, we lost all your ballots so just face your computer screen and shout out who you want it to be...

In the mean time let's thank our presenters.... without them we'd be a pale copy of Phantasy Tour's String Cheese forum...

A big bass bomb to the illustrious, industrious, ever-so-ready with a quip or whip.....St Mark (The Lion)!

I'm pretty sure Rock&Roll goddess sent in this walletsize junior high school yearbook picture of him from her purse, captioned "my little Saint Snark":

But his mom sent in this more saintly one so we'll use it instead: (We don't quite know what to make of his friend in the bottom right corner checking a reindeer's prostrate?)

And speaking of asses... not the person...(well maybe to a couple Zoners).....Man about town, musical savant, denizen of Jersey's finest Emergency Rooms... all around nice guy...the Zone's own Burt Reynolds.... The Prozac Kid (Timmy Hoover):

Thank you all for coming out in these firestorms.. we are thinking Iceland next year, so grab your booties.

Alan-R-Us FTW!

>> Sorry 6, I read it as passive aggressive wordplay but am happy to take your meaning. <<

One conspiracy that HL73 left for dead...

Look at that beautiful man go. 

Hall. Truly the very best of us. It's an honor to zone with you, sir.

Alright everybody. It's time to honor the 2017 DOTY.

This is one of the Zone's highest honors; reserved strictly for the most A of A List zoners. This award represents the very spirit of real zoning. A Zoner who isn't afraid to call it like it is. A zoner who brings magic to every post; grace to every thread. A zoner with the gumption and savvy to piss off 98% of the community, yet remains beloved by all. 

Please welcome 12x DOTY...

Timmy Hoover!

Hoovs, get up here! 

Speech!!

Magical, Hoovs. Thanks.

Alright guys, here's JeffG with another musical interlude to free ya mind and lift ya spirits.

https://youtu.be/KuoDf10DfHk

BRAVO!!!!!! Huzzah!!!

BRAVO!

aSome way over due excellent zoning 

BRAVO!! (cough) Bravo.

Fantastic.

Now, I'd like to introduce Vermont's hottest band; Agents of Doubt performing their hit single 'Fire In Your Eyes'!

https://m.soundcloud.com/agentsofdoubt/fire-in-your-eyes

Thankfully no video exists lol

yes, thank you.

Yeah, well done, 6.  Reminds a little of American Woman.

Thanks, Hall. I get what you're saying.

Agreed cool tune, really nice thread guys and gals

cool tune! 

congrats TH, the zones own Tom Brady...love him or hate him...you would want him on your team...

13 DOTY S??? 

thats dimaggio-like, a record thatll never be broken...one can only strive to be such a douche...

Man, this is a lonnngg show. Would it be unreasonable to ask for another bowl of chex mix?

Who gets the '18 Deader Than Thou? 

My T levels just increased 5000x listening to that jam. Thanks, Six.

Alright everybody; we're taking a short intermission here. We'll be back around 5:30 eastern for the moment you've all been waiting for

ZOTY 2017

Thanks, Mark. Your post made my Friday afternoon better.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back. The time has come to name the 2017 Zoner of the Year.

ZOTY represents the pinnacle of zoning. To be named ZOTY ensures you a spot in Zone History; your name carved in a tablet of shining gold. 

To present this award, I'd like to welcome to the stage 5x Zoner of the Year; Ateix!

Welcome!

Wow.

What a moment.

Thank you, St Mark. What an honor it is to be here. What a year it's been. The Zone in 2017... I want to reiterate St. Mark's encouragement to give ourselves one big round of applause. We've endured heavy losses, emotional moments, the highs, the lows.. and through it all, we've been there to offer each other vibes, crystal healing, tarot readings, thoughts and prayers, weather reports, spirit quest updates, and other quiet, meaningful moments.

This year we celebrate one of our very best. In a year wracked with turmoil, bad news, fake news, false outrage, and righteous indignation, this Zoner has exhibited a cross-disciplinary mastery of all of these and so much more. More than merely pulling out a Deader-than-thou scorecard, this Zoner has regularly commented on seemingly every live show posted to this forum, claiming to have been there! In the past, she has subtly hinted at having intimately known one of the members of arguably the greatest rock band of all time (we will always love you, Ricky). She has expressed her devotion to pictures of cats, waking up early every day for weeks at a time to post nonsequitors in a variety of threads, completely disregarding the topic at hand, and spent long hours, high ABV drink in hand, perpetually shining that glowing Hudson Valley torch on the dark windy road of the Zone.

Yes, friends, this year I have the great honor of presenting the 2017 Zoner of the Year... 

it is my privilege to award the Zonie for ZOTY to one who sports the flared jeans and leather vest better than no other, the Queen of the Harley and Dame of the Highway,

Rock and Roll Goddess!

Get up here and say a few words, RRG! You've earned it!

RRG

2017

ZOTY

This is how we grow. 

:::sitting in the front row, wearing a tie dyed tuxedo, nodding approvingly:::

RRG< RRG< RRG RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr Gggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg........................

RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

RRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GGGGGGGgggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nice presentation.

The crowd is in a frenzy...rumor has it , she will be down to accept as soon as she is off phone w President Putin.

I'll drink to that!

While we wait....can someone pass the dessert mints my way, please ?







 

acktest is Johnny Olsen as St, Mark the lion is to Bob Barker.

(Johhny Olson probably had a side radio job as a DJ like the game show host Wink Martindale did)(old jazz)

Still What a fuggin thrill.

Rock and Roll, Rock and Roll Goddess.

Huzzah?

I just want to thank St. Mark again for setting up the opportunity for me to enjoy some compliments on my band's tune from other zoners. That was really sweet of him to do.

He's not the 8 time ZOTY for nuthin, six.

True, and I don't think he's ever been DOTY once.

We may have a sighting...... apparently a Viva Admin has been dispatched to the scene

>>>>True, and I don't think he's ever been DOTY once

I'm starting to wonder if anyone's even allowed to receive that particular award besides Hoover.

If the shoe fits, you know?

>>>Sportsman of the Year Zonie<<<

I won something?

DAMN! IT'S A JIMMY GAROPPOLO MIRACLE!!!

Coming out of summer 2dankdan had to be the front-runner this year, but he disappeared back into his mom's basement because of the epic fail that is the 2017 Oakland Raiders, so I'll take it!

Garoppolo's for ALL!!!!!

What's with the delay in RRG's acceptance speech? Kinda disrespectful to the committee if you ask me. I guess it was some afterparty

http://aquariumdrunkard.info/upload/Noche%20Salvajes.mp3

So I'm still waiting for Rock and Roll Goddess to show up, because after all these years seeing her Zoner handle I pictured this:

But you guys obviously know her, and the only person in the audience that matches your description is:

I always appreciated her because she liked John Cipollina and was a nurse (that's admirable) but you guys know best.

Will the goddess with the leather vest and cloven hooves please come up to the podium?

Perhaps RRG is just pulling a Marlon Brando at the Oscars kind of affair and donating her award to Native Americans. Who knows?

This chick heard "rock and roll" and "goddess" and "cloven hooves" and  almost broke her neck running up to the stage.

Don't worry, we had Roger McNamee pay Steve Parrish to eject her.

>>>Perhaps RRG is just pulling a Marlon Brando at the Oscars kind of affair and donating her award to Native Americans. Who knows

haha that sounds really lame what kind of asshole would do that 

Or pulling a Dylan when  he snubbed the Nobels.

Or maybe they announced the wrong winner like warren Beatty 

REDEMPTION!!!

Aha. Solid clue there.

>>haha that sounds really lame what kind of asshole would do that 

um, Marlon Brando did that

>>>um, Marlon Brando did that

say whaaaaat? He donated his award to the Indians??? Lol I can only imagine what the acceptance speech sounded like

did you see it all go down? 

Yes, I did. It was his best actor Oscar for a little picture called "The Godfather".- and he made no speech.Technically he rejected the award and let a native American spokesperson speak on his behalf.

Here's how it went down:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2QUacU0I4yU

It's the reason behind Neil Young's lyric : " Marlon Brando, Pocahontas and me."

Whoa that’s crazy. 

I’m personally quite offended by the treatment of Native Americans by the jam band community and I’ve also tried to bring attention to their plight so it’s nice to see other famous artists stepping up. 

That woman’s name sounds familiar. 

I’ll have to check out “The Godfather” too, sounds interesting. 

I thought the Pocahontas reference was about that Senator 

In a parallel universe, it is.

And by all means check out The Godfather. It's an fairly amusing comedy. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x-pV2AxQqZQ

Hey if you ever win one of these awards here it would be funny if you refused it and sent Pocahontas up to accept it instead and you can riff off of the speech that woman did for Brando. 

Sure. Why not?

It’s been good talking to you. 

lol....again....classic

Guys, we understand that rumors are spreading across social media regarding possible Zonie disqualifications. 

We want to also acknowledge that we hear your concerns, and we are working diligently to address these issues.

Great! I knew it was too good to be true. Well, too bad. I already pawned mine and used the money on a half pint of dubrov vodka.

whoa did Telloite and Douche mess up again???? these award shows are cursed lately 

I don't want to add to the already escalating panic, but it's looking pretty dire.

we're talking everything from wrong envelopes being read, to disqualifications for zoning enhancing substances, to even Russian vote tampering.

Needless to say, the committee's inquiries into all these allegations will b quite involved and time consuming.

it'll probably stretch way into next year and shake viva to its very foundations.

i just hope the site can survive such a scandal.

that sounds pretty serious - this is all so sad 

I have popcorn all over my lap and chest.

I have popcorn all over my lap and chest.

I hear ya, Bucky.

if the sanctity of such an ironclad institution as a fake dbmb awards ceremony can b compromised, what can't b?

and the other 42% are bare chested....

The Zonie Committee would respectfully request that the zoner who is currently emailing pictures of feces to some of the 2017 Zonie winners please refrain from that abusive behavior immediately. 

As stated, we are taking these claims very seriously and working on completing a thorough investigation. Thank you.

From what I understand, most of the proceeds from the current winter viva fundraising campaign will go to furthur the investigation.

please take that into consideration, guys.

admin can't do this alone and they need our help.

This community deserves answers and we need to pull together now more than ever.

#zonestrong

>>>From what I understand, most of the proceeds from the current winter viva fundraising campaign will go to furthur the investigation

It looks like we're going to need all $216 Viva received via the fundraiser this year.

I know this is disappointing news.

Does this have anything to do with Thom storming the stage when KKenny was giving his acceptance speech?   

>>> I know this is disappointing news.

this is disappointing news, in fact, we are still trying to sort this out: how could the selection committee fumble the zonies so badly this year? i mean, russian collusion? come on people ...

in leau of this inexcusable behavior by the selection committee, and in the interest of the zoner community, administration may feel compelled to reconfigure the longstanding committee.

Hold me Tub Girl, good god hold me

Good evening. It looks like we have a very official Public Service Warning from the Zoner Center for Disease Control:

If you or perchance a loved one opens an email and receives something that looks like this, please forward it to any random contact in your address book and ask them to do the same. By tracking thousands and thousands of such emails, we can then statistically deduce where Ground Zero is, and  subsequently, who the likely culprit is.

Thankfully several diligent Zoners (paid with selfless donations from the Zonie Award committee and by pilfering all remaining Viva membership fees) have infiltrated the inner sanctum of our own Zoner UniBomber while he was preparing his little XMas gifts and have managed to snap a quick photo before the perp fled into the night. Have you seen this man? We assume it's a man, but perhaps, not. Let's not stereotype...

Anyway, the Zonie weekend was a blast for all involved and its a real shame that we have to tear open the scabs of Internet glory and revisit past indiscretions. Sure, there was voter fraud,  mild physical intimidation and hacked voting machines...but, hey..This is America! we thrive off this shit!

Just a quick update, gang.

We now have all the Senior Zonie Committee members together in the Situation Room going over footage of the Zonie broadcast and sorting through the related documentation.

We expect to have a press release available soon. 

I figured something was amiss when I didn't win...

Thank You Dear Friends,

I have been away for a week on a personal journey of reflection...

and have returned with the Light, and the start of The Winter Solstice.

I'm very sorry, but I cannot accept this award.

It is my wish to donate any and all prizes and or awards,

to the fight to preserve Bears Ears and Grand Staircase Escalante National Monuments.

In lieu of a speech, I would like to leave these words and songs.

http://www.nytimes.com/packages/html/movies/bestpictures/godfather-ar3.html

http://www.vivalazone.org/other-stuff/pocahontas

Breaking News - By binge-watching every episode on TV related to Sherlock Holmes (hey what's with Lucy Lui? Do her eyes drive you crazy cause they don't quite line up, or what?), we have mastered the powers of deductive reasoning and logic to unearth the following major clues about the perpetrator of the bowel-bomb emails:

: 

Please keep your eyes out for anyone who fits this profile: Most likely is perpetually broke; has hairy shins; wears jorts; and judging by the clenched toes, is either perpetually constipated (probably due to a diet consisting solely of bar food from TXR) or whose feet are morphing into cloven hooves. It could be male or female, a current or former Zoner, a happy lurker or a disgruntled admin. Anything is possible. Keep alert and report any suspected incidents to your local DBMB security officers. If you meet such a person, do not approach. Just smile nonchalantly and nod hi.